• April 16: Police responded at 10:22 p.m. police took a report from a woman who said back when she was a minor, she was sexually assaulted by some pervert at a home in the 2300 block of Willow Road, presumably in Los Osos, Morro Bay is about the only town in America without a Willow Road.
• April 16: Police responded at 2 p.m. to the Dollar Tree Store in the 400 block of Quintana where some sticky-fingered customer, 37, was using the help yourself aisle, which Dollar Tree doesn’t have. Logs indicated the regular customer was booked into the gaol for suspicion of trespassing and shoplifting.
• April 15: Police responded at 3:20 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana where they’d apparently caught a sneak thief trying to steal his way to prosperity or perhaps simply to survive. The 44-year-old chap was nicked on suspicion of second-degree robbery.
• April 15: At 2:42 p.m. two people stopped by the police station to report their daughter who lives on Bayview, was the victim of domestic violence.
• April 15: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:36 p.m. at Hwy 1 and Morro Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated the dingus driver, 44, was cited and released for a suspended license, which was taken away because of a DUI.
• April 15: police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:56 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 64-year-old woman driver had two bench warrants. She was given a third citation to ignore and released.
• April 15: Police stopped a suspicious 1994 GMC Sierra at 9 a.m. in the area of Beach and Main. Logs indicated the scofflaw driver, 60, was cited for suspicion of driving while talking on a cell phone, expired registration, and no proof of registration. Logs indicated the man hadn’t registered his truck since May of 2020 and, naturally, the truck was towed away.
• April 14: Police responded at 11:55 p.m. to a non-injury car crash in the 1200 block of Main.
• April 14: Police responded at 2 p.m. to City Park on Harbor Street for a disturbance. Logs indicated a 42-year-old battleaxe was arrested for suspicion of assault and battery and, of course possession of illegal drugs, which explains a lot.
• April 13: Police went to the County Jail where they re-arrested a 31-year-old hombre for allegedly vandalizing the back of the Morro Bay PD patrol car back on April Fools’ Day (April 1), when he apparently didn’t think it was funny to get arrested.
• April 13: At 8 p.m. police responded to the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., where a local resident had passed away.
• April 13: Police responded at 9 a.m. to a traffic collision at Ironwood and Atascadero Road. No juicy details available.
• April 12: Police responded at 5:20 p.m. to a report of a mentally unstable person on Tahiti. The upset person was given a 72-hour timeout.
• April 12: Police responded at 5:37 p.m. to an apartment in the 1000 block of Market. A 65-year-old man was found deceased inside the residence.
• April 12: Someone found a set of keys and a cell phone at Coleman Park and turned them over to police, who in turn located the owner and mailed his or her property back to them. So as long as the Post Office doesn’t pull a duh, it’ll be a happy ending all around.
• April 12: Police espied suspicious subjects at 3:35 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. They contacted a 38-year-old fellow and a 29-year-old woman. She had a warrant, so they issued her a second no-show ticket and let her go. He too had a warrant and was also cited and released, they no doubt not being worth the gas to drive to jail.
• April 11: Someone stole both license plates off a vehicle in the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
• April 11: Police responded at 2:06 p.m. to a business in the 400 block of MBB. Logs indicated someone had found a hidden video camera inside the bathroom of downtown business, which police are calling a case of disorderly conduct, though we might have a few other choice words to describe this bit of tomfoolery.
• April 11: Police contacted a suspicious subject, 65, at Ironwood and Sequoia Ct. Logs indicated the person had eight out-of-county arrest warrants and was finally put in chains and taken to the nick.
• April 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:30 a.m. in the 1300 block of Main. Logs indicated the woman driver, 45, was cited for speeding and talking on a cell phone while driving. A records check found a bench warrant too, and she was of course cited and released.
• April 10: Police responded at 2 a.m. to a elderly care facility on Teresa Drive where an 85-year-old resident had passed away.
• April 10: Police responded to Morro Bay State Park Road where some fruit loop dingus was making a spectacle of himself and causing a disturbance. The 45-year-old disciple of Bacchus was nicked for suspicion of goin’ on the razzle.
• April 10: Police were called at 11 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana where some humanicus dooficus was making a drunken fool of himself. The 38-year old fellow had a no-bail, a felony warrant and was allegedly stoned and in possession of dope paraphernalia, and was booked into the County not so happy place.
• April 9: Police responded at 7:30 p.m. to the 900 block of Main for a report of criminal trespassing by some no doubt slacker. Police wrote it off with an incident report, not yet a crime.
• April 8: Police responded at 5 p.m. to the 700 block of Market for a stolen vehicle report. This too was written off with an incident report.
• April 7: At 3:06 p.m. police responded to the 3000 block of Ironwood where someone said their vehicle was broken into and the thieves made off with credit cards and an ID and then went on an apparent shopping spree. No word on the loss, beyond the love of humanity.
• April 7: Police responded at 1:21 p.m. to a motel in the 900 block of Morro where they said some apparent crash test dummy ran over one of their security cameras. No word on whether the dastardly deed was caught on video.
• April 7: Police responded at 11 a.m. to the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. where some scoundrel zoomed off with someone’s electric bike.
• April 7: Police responded to a motel in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd., where some apparent squatter broke into a room and made himself at home.
• April 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:30 p.m. in the 700 block 0f Atascadero Rd. A 39-year-old tomato was arrested for suspicion of driving stewed.
• April 5: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 6:42 p.m. in the 200 block of Harbor St. The 42-year-old sneetch was popped for allegedly stealing a bicycle the previous day, the 2-wheeled proof no doubt sitting between his legs. He was charged with suspicion of vandalism (over $400), receiving stolen property, and grand theft.
• April 5: Police responded at 2:46 p.m. to an injury accident in the 300 block of Quintana.
• April 5: Police responded at 11:12 a.m. to the 700 block of Quintana to deal with a pesky little squit. Logs indicated the man, 30, had a misdemeanor warrant and was hauled to the hoosegow with a trespassing charge added to his list of woes.
• April 5: Police contacted a familiar fellow at 11 a.m. in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated the 58-year-old model citizen had a warrant and was hauled downtown, where of course he was given a future failure-to-appear ticket and released.
• April 5: At 8:21 a.m. some apparent repentant no-good nick, 35, turned himself in at the police station for a bench warrant. Logs indicated the police issued another disappearance ticket and let the penitent fellow go forth and sin no more
• April 4: Someone stole something sometime before 5:30 p.m. somewhere in the 3000 block of Ironwood.
• April 4: Yet another citizen of the year, 25, was nicked for a bench warrant in the 900 block of Pacific. He was cited and released because here they throw back the little fish.
• April 3: Police stopped a suspicious subject at the suspect time of 4:30 a.m. at Main and Beach. The sneaky fellow, 35, had an outstanding felony warrant and actually got arrested.