• April 24: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:36 p.m. in the 300 block of Surf. The driver, 27, was nicked for suspicion of driving stoned and warrants. His passenger, 29, had warrants too but was cited and released.
• April 24: A citizen in the 700 block of Quintana reported their license plate was stolen, proving once again that people will steal anything.
• April 24: A woman on Napa wanted police to document “marks on her child’s back.”
• April 24: Police responded at 11:30 a.m. to a non-injury car crash at Kennedy Way and Quintana. No juicy details were available.
• April 24: Police responded to a disturbance at 1:36 a.m. at Legend’s Tavern, in the 800 block of Main. A 59-year-old apparent rabble-rouser was pinched for suspicion of being puckered.
• April 23: Police responded at 12:37 a.m. to a disturbance at The Buoy Bar in the 800 block of Quintana. A 34-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of being high on drugs and possession of paraphernalia, his stash no doubt already spent.
• April 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:45 p.m. in the 800 block of Piney Way. Logs indicated the woman driver, 26, was nicked for suspicion of driving spun. She was booked and turned over to a sober friend.
• April 22: The scofflaw round-up continued with one bail jumper, 21, caught at 2:52 p.m. at Albertson’s and another model citizen, 62, caught at 3:36 p.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. A third squirrel, 53, was caught at 12:42 p.m. in the 800 block of Embarcadero. And the one that started this race to the bottom was nicked at 3:45 a.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. All were cited and released.
• April 22: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 3 a.m. in the 500 block of Quintana. The hoot owl, 37, was arrested for suspicion of possessing drugs.
• April 22: Police contacted a suspicious dude at 1:44 a.m. at Kern and Pacific. The apparent odd duck, 40, was allegedly quacked on drugs and in possession of methamphetamine and paraphernalia.
• April 21: Police responded to Motel 6 where they took a report that a known guest, 37, had trashed Room 112. A report was taken for the lawsuit to come.
• April 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:55 p.m. on Hwy 1 at South Bay. A 36-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of driving poo-pooed.
• April 20: Police contacted a suspicious man at 2:39 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana Pl. Logs indicated the little squit, 49, was cited for suspicion of possessing drugs and paraphernalia.
• April 19: Police responded at 6 p.m. to a disturbance at Motel 6 in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. A 39-year-old apparently crankypated fellow was hauled to the gaol for suspicion of being lacquered in public.
• April 19: A man reported that his old passport and current visitor visa were lost sometime over the past week.
• April 19: A citizen in the 500 block of Monterey was no doubt shocked that someone stole his electric bike.
• April 18: A citizen told police that while he and his family were hiking Cerro Cabrillo some unknown, dastardly, litterbug dumped a bunch of junk next to his car.
• April 18: Another catalytic converter was stolen off a car in the 500 block of Dawson, as the crime wave continues.
• April 17: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10 p.m. at Elena and Main. Logs indicated a 37-year-old chick was nicked for suspicion of driving thick.
• April 17: Police responded at 7 p.m. to a disturbance near the stationhouse in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd. A 37-year-old skunk was hauled away for suspicion of being stinky in public. It was his third run-in with the law that week, as at 7:25 p.m. April 14 he was picked up at Clarabelle and Norwich for the same crime against sobriety. Disagreeable chap was also picked up at 7:36 a.m. on April 13 in the 100 block of Azure St., after police responded to a report of a loud argument.
• April 17: Police hauled away a Chevy Astro Van parked too long at Market and Dunes.
• April 17: Police contacted a 55-year-old woman in the 300 block of Embarcadero who had multiple bench warrants. She was issued another forget-me-not citation and will no doubt forget about that one too.
• April 17: A citizen in the 700 block of Quintana reported their license plate was gone and must have been stolen, because they don’t just fall off on their own.
• April 17: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1:55 a.m., when you truly don’t want to be out in this town, somewhere on Hwy 1 North. The 20-year-old driver was arrested for suspicion of driving stupid.
• April 16: Police contacted a regular customer at 7:54 p.m. in the 900 block of Allesandro. The 37-year-old scofflaw had three bench warrants and was issued a fourth disappearance ticket and unleashed.
• April 15: Police noted writing a 72-hour move-it or lose-it ticket at 4:20 p.m. April 12 for a trailer left in the 2800 block of Birch. At 9:21 p.m. on April 15 they returned and removed that blight on humanity.
• April 15: Police responded to a home in the 200 block of Bradley where a distraught citizen said some unknown scoundrel sprayed a chemical on his or her large hedge in the backyard, and killed the poor defenseless plant. Police have no leads as to who the herbicidal maniac might be.
• April 15: A woman told police that she parked her car in the 100 block of Dana Way overnight and some anarchist vandal keyed it.
• April 15: A fellow in the 2800 block of Hemlock told police that some sneaky thief stole the catalytic converter off his 2004 Honda Element while it was parked on the street in front of his house.
• April 15: Police responded to Anchor and Napa where they collected some narcotics to destroy.
• April 14: Police responded at 10:47 p.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Monterey. Logs indicated it was a father-son argument. No word on the nature of the boggle.
• April 14: Police arrested a 51-year-old annoying flesh monkey with a felony warrant at 9:42 p.m. at Albertson’s Market.
• April 14: Police responded to a disturbance at 8 p.m. to City Park on Harbor Street. A 51-year-old twisted fellow was nicked for suspicion of being smacked on drugs, possession of drugs and paraphernalia.
• April 14: Police reported that a missing juvenile, who is a habitual runaway, according to logs, had been located and brought to the police station.
• April 13: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 36-year-old master criminal was cited for suspicion of possessing a kidnapped shopping cart.
• April 13: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 6:30 p.m. on Main near the Hwy 1 off ramp. The 58-year-old bail skipper was arrested on three bench warrants, as that was apparently the last straw.
• April 13: A citizen reported the front license plate missing from his or her vehicle. A task force was not immediately formed.
• April 13: A citizen in the 2300 block of Nutmeg reported that some scalawag broke into his car parked in the garage and stole his binoculars and other undisclosed treasures.
• April 13: A citizen in the 500 block of Dawson reported a broken window.
• April 12: Police responded at 8:16 p.m. to City Park for yet another disturbance. A 61-year-old apparent disciple of Bacchus was nicked for suspicion of public revelry.
• April 12: Yet another catalytic converter was stolen off a car in the 2400 block of Juniper.
• April 11: Police responded to a disturbance at 5:55 p.m. on Reno Court. Logs indicated a woman said there was a dispute with her neighbor “which resulted in a battery and vandalism.” Of course neither party wanted to press charges.
• April 11: Police responded at 11:46 p.m. to a disturbance in the 600 block of Quintana. A 36-year-old reprobationer was cited and released for violating probation.
• April 11: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 8:30 p.m. in City Park. The 33-year-old apparent miscreant was taken to County Jail for warrants.
• April 11: Police contacted yet another repeat customer, 35, at 8 p.m. at Piney Way and Harbor. He too had warrants, but was cited and released, as the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round…
• April 11: Someone in the 800 block of Shasta said a campaign sign was vandalized, a hangin’ offense in these parts.