• May 14: Police contacted an annoying flesh monkey, 48, at 9:34 a.m. in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way. Logs indicated she had eight warrants and was given a ninth citation to ignore and unleashed back upon the world.
• May 14: At 8:46 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana at the creek bed estates, officers contacted a suspicious subject. The 38-year-old fellow had three bench warrants and was issued another disappearance ticket.
• May 13: Police responded at 3:15 p.m. to a business in the 600 block of Embarcadero where someone passed a bogus Benjamin.
• May 13: At 3 p.m. police contacted a wanted woman, 39, who had six warrants. She was cited again and released to catch again another day. About an hour earlier and a block up Quintana, another apparent urban camper with warrants got cited.
• May 13: At 1:43 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana police contacted a 54-year-old woman who had a warrant out of Kern County, and who had also been reported missing by Atascadero Police. She was cited and APD was contacted about their missing princess.
• May 13: At 1:30 p.m. in the 900 block of Main, police saw a 73-year-old man about a warrant. He was issued a fresh court date to miss.
• May 13: At 11 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana officers contacted a 38-year-old belle of the ball who had seven warrants. Officers allegedly found drugs in her possession and she was taken to the hoosegow.
• May 12: Police contacted another lady scofflaw, 51, at 3 p.m. in the 500 block of Quintana with nine bench warrants, which while a lot isn’t record setting around these parts.
• May 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:47 p.m. in the area of Balboa and Butte for some undisclosed code violation. The 51-year-old driver had a suspended license along with a warrant and was cite-released.
• May 12: Someone found a cell phone somewhere on Atascadero Road and turned it in at the fire department, which handed it over to police, who will hand it back to the owner if they can find him or her.
• May 12: Police contacted a wanted man, 21, at 3:20 a.m. in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. He had three warrants and was booked into the County’s happy place.
• May 10: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11 p.m. on Quintana Road. Logs indicated they could only get the driver, 61, for a suspended license.
• May 10: Someone apparently broke into a vehicle on Branch Street in South County and stole credit cards, and then apparently came to Morro Bay and went on a shopping rip-off spree. Police opened a case of swindling by some identity-stealing, unidentified fraudster.
• May 10: Police took a shoplifting report in the 700 block of Quintana, after someone apparently used the help-yourself aisle.
• May 10: Police contacted a 34-year-old man at Pacific and Main and arrested the larcenous cretin for suspicion of petty larceny.
• May 9: Porch pirates struck in the 400 block of Tulare.
• May 9: Police stopped a suspicious car at 5 p.m. on Monterey. The driver, 41, had a car registration expired over 6 months and no insurance, so police cited him and arrested the car, which hardly seems fair.
• May 8: Police responded to the 2800 block of Hemlock where a woman said someone had stolen her husband’s firearm. Someone else told police the gun was given away 40-years ago.
• May 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:33 p.m. at MBB and Piney Way. Logs indicated the 32-year-old driver was nicked for suspicion of driving schnuckered.
• May 8: A woman in the 2900 block of Fir told police she lost $10,000 in a phone scam.
• May 8: A woman in the 400 block of Las Vegas texted police that her apparent ex violated a restraining order.
• May 8: A granny in the 1700 block of Main reported that her grandson lost his money clip, no doubt excuse No. 43 for borrowing money from grandma.
• May 7: Police responded at 10:42 p.m. to a disturbance in the 3200 block of Main. Logs indicated a 46-year-old woman got into a fight with her sister in the parking lot and the family squabble landed her in the lock-up for suspicion of simple assault, yeah, it’s no doubt complicated.
May 7: Police contacted a swizzle stick waltzing down Monterey Avenue at 9:43 a.m. The 40-year-old Bacchanalian was nicked for suspicion of being thick as a tick.
• May 6: Someone turned in keys they found at Main and Morro Bay Boulevard, leaving it to police to unlock the mystery.
• May 6: Police contacted a 63-year-old scofflaw at 4:25 p.m. somewhere on Quintana and took him to the County woodshed on two warrants.
• May 6: At 11:31 a.m. police responded to Rite Aid on Quintana where they arrested a sticky-fingered gent, 48, for suspicion of trespassing and shoplifting-burglary, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• May 6: Police responded at 4:48 a.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated they located the cause of the ado, a 65-year-old banshee who was too drunk to leave be. She was hauled to the County B&B on a D&D to sleep it off.
• May 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:53 p.m. in the 1000 block of Main. The woman driver, 49, was arrested for suspicion of wet whistle driving.
• May 5: Someone turned in some undisclosed something that police somehow decided to destroy.
• May 5: At about high noon, police responded to a disturbance in the 600 block of Quintana. Logs indicated they contacted an ululating woman, 30, beclowning herself. She was arrested on suspicion of being high on illegal drugs and possession, her stash apparently not yet exhausted.
• May 5: Police contacted a familiar face at 11:26 a.m. at Harbor and the Boulevard. The 44-year-old fellow had an invite to tea from the judge and was cited and released with another date to ignore.
• May 5: Police were sent to a disturbance at 11 a.m. in the 700 block of Napa. Logs indicated they contacted a bonehead violating a stay-away order. While investigating, Shazam, officers figured out his car registration actually expired in November 2022, and had forged tags on the vehicle.
• May 5: Police at 12:17 a.m. contacted a 61-year-old apparently forgetful man in the 300 block of Harbor who had 12 bench warrants. He was of course again cited and released with soon-to-be a baker’s dozen.
• May 4: Police stopped a reckless driver at 2 p.m. in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the driver, 27, got nicked for suspicion of driving half cut at the wheel, and a suspended license that got suspended because of drunk driving, as the wheels of the bus go round and round.
• May 4: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 9:40 a.m. in the 1700 block of Main. Logs indicated the fellow, 30, had 11 bench warrants and was arrested after they allegedly found illegal drugs in his possession, the apparent straw that broke the junkie’s back.
• May 4: Police responded to a disturbance at 9:30 a.m. in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. A 38-year-old woman was arrested on suspicion of vandalism, a hanging offense in some parts.
• May 3: Police took a report about a stolen handicap placard off a vehicle in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., and a pox on whoever took it.
• May 3: Police at 11:44 a.m. went to the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., to referee an argument, when they discovered that a vehicle at the scene had been declared “inoperable.” And so police arrested the offending car, no word on whether that settled the argument.
• May 3: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:07 a.m. in the 400 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated they contacted a rowdy fellow, 31, and arrested the cowpoke for being off the range in public.
• May 3: Police responded at 7:38 a.m. to the 800 block of Morro where some poor chap passed away. Police said nothing criminal had taken place.
• May 2: Police responded to a business in the 500 block of Main to take a report from an employee who said he or she was injured on the job, a case of someone needs a new line of work.
• May 2: Police responded to the 2200 block of Emerald Cr., where some apparent wizard broke into a locked vehicle just a minute before and then vanished.
• May 2: Police responded at 3:32 p.m. to Giovanni’s Fish Market in the 1000 block of Front St., after they discovered that an unknown man had broken in and burgled the place.
• May 2: Police responded at 8:41 a.m. to the Ascot Suites hotel in the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Apparently some sneaky thief had shimmied through an open window and stolen cash out of the register.
• May 1: Police responded at 9 p.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 1200 block of Clarabelle. Logs indicated they arrested a 36-year-old sinister tool for suspicion of domestic battery, resisting arrest and battery on a police officer, as he apparently didn’t come along quietly. An emergency restraining order was issued and of course at 6 a.m. the next day it had been violated.