Morro Bay Police Blotter 6-3-2021

• May 23: Someone in the 1100 block of Front St., found a cell phone in a black case, a wallet and driver’s license, which is more ID than ya need to vote in some parts.
• May 23: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 9 p.m. in the 1100 block of Juniper. The 20-year-old sneetch was nicked for suspicion of being under the influence of drugs and possession of paraphernalia, his stash no doubt hidden where the sun don’t shine and the cops won’t search.
• May 23: Police responded at 4:42 p.m. to a car crash in the 900 block of the Embarcadero motor speedway. No injuries reported.
• May 23: Police contacted a wanted woman at 4:17 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana and arrested her on a felony, no-bail $100,000 warrant, another apparent master criminal foiled again.
• May 23: Police were called at 12:24 a.m. to a disturbance in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated a man 52, and woman 36 were arrested for suspicion of going honkey-tonkin’ a tad too much and the naughty lad was also nicked for suspicion of vandalism.
• May 22: Police responded at 11:13 p.m. to a car crash in the 900 block of Monterey. No big to-do to report with this one.
• May 22: Police contacted a regular client at 10:48 p.m. in the 900 block of Piney Way. The 43-year-old scofflaw had a bench warrant and was given another citation and then unleashed onto an unsuspecting world.
• May 22: Police responded at 10:10 p.m. to Beach Burger in the Salt Building, 571 Embarcadero where someone stole their tip jar. Logs named the suspected thievin’ bilge rat in this apparent inside job.
• May 22: Police responded at 8:55 p.m. to a disturbance at the Mobile Gas Station in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. A 46-year-old raucous tippler was arrested for suspicion of trespassing, making criminal threats and apparently being too drunk to leave alone. He was hauled forthwith to the gaol.
• May 22: Police went looking for a 39-year-old scofflaw in the 300 block of Arcadia ‘cause he had four RSVPs from a judge. He was also allegedly in possession of drugs but was simply cited and released.
• May 22: Someone found a wallet sometime somewhere and took it to police to unravel the mystery.
• May 22: Police responded at 12:36 a.m. to the Inn at Morro Bay on State Park Road where they arrested some 36-year-old fellow for apparently getting sloshed and acting like an idjit.
• May 20: A juvenile boy told police he was being bullied at school and it “was causing outbursts at home,” no doubt taking it out on his poor suffering offspring bearing adult relative. Officers took a report.
• May 21: Police contacted another model citizen with a warrant at 6:19 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Her was cited and released no doubt with a wink and a nod to appear in court.
• May 21: Police responded at 3 p.m. to a car crash at Main and Harbor. Logs indicated a 22-year-old woman was arrested for allegedly driving stoned on drugs and causing an accident. She was taken for a photo sitting and a life-changing experience at County jail.
• May 21: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 1:37 p.m. in the 2600 block of Main. The fraulien, 51, had a felony warrant but according to logs, “due to COVID-19 guidelines” she was cited and released, yet another sign of the approaching apocalypse.
• May 20: At 3 p.m. police pulled over a suspicious vehicle at Hwy 1 at Elena. The 56-year-old rogue fellow was arrested for driving on a suspended license. He was hauled downtown booked and released and should be grateful he wasn’t toddy stricken at the time.
• May 20: Someone came to the stationhouse to report that his or her bicycle was stolen from the 3900 block of S. Higuera in San Luis Obispo. Officers took a courtesy report for SLOPD.
• May 19: Police contacted a man, 45, and woman, no age given, at 7 p.m. at Coleman and Embarcadero. The suspicious duo was arrested on suspicion of being stoned at the Rock.
• May 19: Police contacted a disturbing man at 2 p.m. in the 2600 block of Coral in the Cloisters. Logs indicated the apparent borracho, 59, was arrested for suspicion of being gattered in public.
• May 18: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9 a.m. in the 300 block of Quintana Pl., after a hawk-eyed officer saw the driver wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, a hanging offense in some towns. The dingus driver, 35, was arrested for suspicion of auto theft, as he’d allegedly swiped the car after finding the keys inside it. Her also got charged with suspicion of possessing drugs, paraphernalia, and burglary tools, as well as no valid license, begging the question “Which charge carries the harshest penalty?”
• May 17: Police responded at 4:11 p.m. to the 1900 block of Main where a woman, 68, with a bell on every tooth was nicked for suspicion of being twisted in public.
• May 17: At 8:58 a.m. police responded to the 1100 block of the Scott Street Alley where someone found a syringe loaded with a clear liquid and a flashlight, no doubt because one cannot shoot up heroin in the dark, it simply isn’t safe. The flashlight was booked for safekeeping and the syringe was marked for destruction, unless some fruit loop dingus wants to try and reclaim it.
• May 17: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 12:55 a.m. in the 1200 block of West. Logs indicated a 35-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of being UTI on drugs, possession of drugs and a glass crack pipe, and petty theft, no doubt to sell and buy more drugs. And when the Fooliot got to jail, they allegedly found more drugs on him and a charge of allegedly bringing drugs into a jail was added to his list of woebegone ways.
• May 16: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle they were tailing at 4:30 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena Street. The over the hill driver, 70, was arrested for suspicion of driving under the weather and taken to the hoosegow to sleep it off.
• May 16: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 2 p.m. in the 1700 block of Main. The 40-year-old zoom-zoom-er was nicked for suspicion of being over stimulated on stimulants.
• May 15: Police responded at 9:30 p.m. to a swanky restaurant in the 800 block of Embarcadero where some chiseler skipped out on his bill, no doubt wishing to avoid the poor house dining at the Port House.
• May 15: Police contacted a regular customer at 7:13 p.m. at Lila Keiser Park. The 39-year-old swagman was arrested for resisting arrest, suspicion of being high on drugs, possessing heroin and drug paraphernalia. He was taken to crash at the County sober living group home.
• May 15: Someone found a bicycle in the creek bed in the 300 block of Quintana and gave it to police, who are no doubt forever grateful.
• May 15: Police contacted a woman, 20, dawdling about at Lila Keiser Park and discovered she was allegedly in possession of a stolen bicycle. She was also allegedly in possession of drug paraphernalia and prescription drugs. She was cited and released, with the bike going back to its rightful owner.
• May 15: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. He had a bench warrant and was issued another disappearance ticket and released.
• May 14: Police responded to a gas station in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., where some slugabed was hanging around. Logs indicated the 41-year-old Plod was allegedly UTI on drugs, in possession of a crack pipe and drugs, his stash apparently not yet gone up in smoke.
• May 14: Police responded at 8:55 p.m. to an un-neighborly dispute in the 400 block of Sicily. The Morro Bay felonies at the heart of the boggle were excessive late-night noise and bright, backyard lights, hanging offenses in some neighborhoods.
• May 14: Police found a car illegally parked in the 700 block of Harbor and towed the offensive 4-wheeled menace, off to the impound graveyard.
• May 13: Police contacted a regular customer hanging around in City Park at 3 p.m. The apparent zhlub, 36, had seven bench warrants and yet was issued another scrap of apparently worthless paper with a new court date that won’t be kept, and released back into City Park.
• May 13: Someone stole a bicycle from the 600 block of Monterey and police have no clues as to who did what.
• May 12: Police towed a vehicle from Hill and Main at 10 p.m. that had an expired registration. Earlier they towed a car off Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena that had been abandoned, as zero tolerance continues for DMV insurrectionists.
• May 12: Police contacted a regular customer at 10:40 a.m. in the 800 block of Piney Way. The 47-year-old scofflaw had three misdemeanor warrants and was given a fourth and released.
• May 12: Police responded at 10 a.m. to a car crash at Pacific and Bernardo. No injuries reported, but the cars will no doubt never be the same.
• May 11: A citizen reported a battery that apparently occurred April 25 in the 2600 block of Main.
• May 11: Police contacted another regular customer at 2:11 p.m. in Lila Keiser Park. The negligentleman, 52, had neglected to appear in court three times but was taken to County lockup and won’t be missing his fourth date with Lady Justice.
• May 11: Someone in the 400 block of Main reported a suspected case of elder abuse and police took a report.
• May 11: Police responded to the Lila Keiser Park den of iniquity in the 1700 block of Park St., at 1:30 p.m., where four misbegotten knaves — two men and two women — were pipped at the post for various reasons. One fellow, 51, was busted for suspicion of possessing drugs and drug paraphernalia; a 37-year-old miscreant had a warrant and he was allegedly in possession of paraphernalia and drugs; a woman, 53, allegedly had paraphernalia and drugs; and the other scofflaw-ette, 46, had four bench warrants. Officers cited and released this whole carnival of fools.
• May 11: Police responded to a disturbance at 6 a.m. in the 1600 block of Main. Logs indicated a 66-year-old woman was apparently having a bout of irregularity of the mouth and got nicked for suspicion of being hellified in public.
• May 10: Police responded at 6 p.m. to a reported assault somewhere on the Embarcadero. Logs indicated they arrested a 53-year-old ruffian for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and vandalism. He was tossed into the County dungeon.
• May 10: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 3 p.m. at City Park on Harbor Street. Naturally, the apparent swamp donkey, 30, was nicked for suspicion of being UTI, a warrant, and alleged possession of drug paraphernalia, as they apparently couldn’t find his stash.
• May 10: Police took a report from a citizen in the 700 block of Quintana alleging “inappropriate touching.” The matter was deemed “unfounded” and the scamboogah apparently got away with it again.