• June 19: Police responded at midnight to the 500 block of Kings where a man said his firearm “was misplaced” following an argument with his girlfriend, a rather unsettling scenario to be sure.
• June 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:10 p.m. in the 2000 block of Sunset. Logs indicated a 73-year-old fellow was cited for allegedly carrying a “concealed firearm unsecured in his vehicle.”
• June 19: A citizen in the 700 block of Bernardo reported that his or her bicycle was stolen by some nefarious nincompoop.
• June 19: A citizen in the 2800 block of Elm reported the theft of a trailer and its contents by some unknown nodcock.
• June 18: Police responded at 4 p.m. to a disturbance involving a juvenile hooligan in the 300 block of Dunbar. Logs indicated the annoying flesh monkey was arrested for allegedly making criminal threats.
• June 18: Police stopped a suspicious car at the suspect time of 12:39 a.m. at Main and Atascadero Road, the last place one wants to be at that hour. Logs indicated a 29-year-old sozzled fellow was cited for suspicion of driving tanked and turned over to a sober friend, sparing him the infamous Hwy 1 walk of shame.
• June 17: Police responded to a disturbance at 8 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 30-year-old ruffian was pipped at the post for suspicion of resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.
• June 17: Someone parked at Morro Rock reported that some wharf rat got into his locked vehicle and stole several valuable items.
• June 17: Police responded at 1:20 p.m. to the Mobile Gas Station in the 900 block of MBB for a reported vandalism. No word on what the tool broke. Police took another vandalism report at 11 a.m. in the 200 block of Main.
• June 16: Police responded at 7:19 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1700 block of Main. Logs indicated a 27-year-old woman was rocked for suspicion of being stoned.
• June 15: Police responded at 3:50 p.m. to a reported theft in the 800 block of Pacific. Logs indicated the thieves took gardening tools and other items, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• June 15: Police responded at 1:45 p.m. to a reported vandalism to a vehicle in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. No suspects have been identified, so if you know
something …
• June 14: At 10:30 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana police did the bench warrant tango with a scofflaw who already had two FTAs and was issued a third disappearance ticket.
• June 14: Police responded at 10 p.m. to a report of assault in the 400 block of Quintana. A woman said a known man had assaulted her after they argued over a jacket, which apparently the Bobbies said was poppycock.
• June 14: Someone turned in a backpack they found in the 700 block of Quintana. No word on what was in it or what nillionaire it belongs to.
• June 14: Police documented that at 10:52 a.m. a person reported as missing was located at Albertson’s, on the isle of forgotten souls.
• June 13: A citizen in the 3200 block of Main reported that his or her Genesis Bella Vista bicycle was stolen.
• June 13: Police responded at 4:30 p.m. to the 1400 block of Teresa Dr., where someone reported a red car blocking the roadway. The driver, a 36-year-old fellow, said the car had broken down and asked for a tow truck.
• June 13: Police in the 300 block of Quintana Rd., pulled over a suspicious vehicle at 9:11 a.m. while “speeding away from a high crime and known drug area.” The driver, 43, was nicked for suspicion of driving stoned and possession of suspected illegal drugs for sale.
• June 13: Someone found a “Billy sap” and turned it over to police. A sap is an improvised weapon such as a hankie wrapped around a rock or lead weight used to bash someone’s skull in.
• June 13: Someone turned in an iPhone they found along with a Ford key fob.
• June 13: A favorite miscreant, 37, was cited and released on two bench warrants after turning himself in at the police station.
• June 12: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 4 p.m. in the 800 block of Napa. The 53-year-old schmoe had a warrant and was issued another sayonara ticket and released. That call came just after another call from next door of this same apparent bounder making threats.
• June 12: Police responded at 12:19 p.m. to a report of illegal parking in the 400 block of Jamaica.
• June 12: Police responded at 9:24 a.m. to the 1500 block of Quintana where a citizen reported the theft of two trees. Police reportedly have no suspects, but ol’ Tarzan is looking mighty suspicious.
• June 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the highly suspect time of 2 a.m. in the 2700 block of Birch. The driver, a 57-year-old fellow was nailed for suspicion of driving hammered, then nailed.
• June 11: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 8:49 p.m. at Main and Dunes. Logs indicated the 47-year-old mope was cited for alleged possession of dope.
• June 11: Police responded at 6:12 p.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero for a vandalism to an RV report at Morro Dunes RV Park, and the usual creek dwelling suspects are no doubt suspected.
• June 11: A citizen told police that some scalawag broke into his or her vehicle. The monetary loss wasn’t listed, but the loss in a sense of personal security was no doubt felonious.
• June 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5 a.m. on Hwy 1 at Toro Creek Road. Logs indicated a 22-year-old rookie was nicked for suspicion of drunk driving, as he was apparently out late and not up early.
• June 10: Police responded at 8:30 a.m. to the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd., where some anarchist vandalized Chase Bank.
• June 10: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:16 p.m. at Main and Marina. Logs indicated a 39-year-old fellow was tossed into the dungeon for suspicion of driving both drunk and stoned, aka stupid.
• June 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:55 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana after an officer reportedly noticed the driver was talking on a cell phone. The driver, 38, turned out to be on probation, so naturally police searched his vehicle, where they allegedly found a short-barreled shotgun and shells. The reprobationer was arrested “for several firearm/weapons violations,” and hauled to the gaol.
• June 8: A citizen in the 1500 block of Main reported the theft of some sort of flag. No word on what the flag was representing but the USA seems to be a popular target these days.
• June 8: Police contacted a suspicious man, 38, at 10:38 a.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the fellow had several warrants but apparently wasn’t going down without a fight. He reportedly was also charged with suspicion of resisting arrest, assault on a police officer and possession of drugs, which explains a lot.
• June 7: A citizen came to the police station to report a theft by fraud. The forger got away with $4,000.
• June 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:18 p.m. in the 600 block of Morro Bay Blvd. An 80-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of driving schnuckered.
• June 6: Police responded at 8:48 p.m. to a reported assault in the 900 block of MBB. Logs indicated the call involved a fight between a customer and a Mobile Gas Station employee, no doubt caused by Putin’s price hike. An assault report was sent to the District Attorney for possible inaction.
• June 6: Police responded at 2:12 p.m. to a disturbance in the 800 block of Main. Logs indicated a 61-year-old fellow was thrown into the pit for suspicion of being drunk and disorderly where the tourists can see him.
• June 6: Police responded at noon to the 900 block of Piney Way where some sinner vandalized two statues at St. Timothy’s Catholic Church. Police have no leads but God knows who you are …
• June 6: Police responded at 12:19 p.m. to the 400 block of South Bay Blvd., for a report of some scamboogah stealing a motorized bike.
• June 6: A citizen in the area of Allesandro and Marengo said his trailer was stolen, proving once again that people will steal anything.