• July 3: Police responded at 10:17 p.m. to a disturbance in the 200 block of Beach. A 37-year-old raucous fellow was arrested for suspicion of being drunk in public and the jackanapes was jailed.
• July 2: Police contacted a suspicious man and woman at 3:42 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. According to logs the man, 53, was arrested for suspicion of possessing drugs for sale, possession of drugs, and drug paraphernalia. His female companion, 48, was nabbed for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs but only got cited and released.
Ironically, just the day before, this same belle of the ball was allegedly caught with drugs and paraphernalia in an incident in the 300 block of Quintana, for which she got cited and released, ‘cause as they say, “The road goes on forever and the party never ends…”
• July 2: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 7:30 a.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. The 49-year-old apparent masochist had a bench warrant and was issued another ticket that he’ll no doubt violate too.
• July 1: Police responded at 7:30 p.m. to a hit-n-split report in the 2400 block of Nutmeg. Logs indicate the homeowner reported some van backed into his chain link fence damaging it and then the sinister zhlub drove away.
• July 1: Yet another bail jumper was cited and released, this time in the 700 block of Quintana at 11:12 a.m.
• June 30: Police responded lights and sirens to The Siren in the 900 block of Main at 11:40 p.m. Logs indicated a 31-year-old ruffian was nicked for suspicion of creating a disorderly kerfuffle.
• June 30: Police received a report from a 72-year-old woman in the 1100 block of Front St., that she’d gotten a text message involving a financial scam, as the Russians are at it again.
• June 30: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:30 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated he had six bench warrants, which apparently triggered some conditioned response, as he was hauled to the hoosegow.
• June 30: Someone in the 2600 block of Coral reported being involuntarily relieved of some undisclosed treasures.
• June 30: A citizen in the 100 block of Island reported a case of mail theft and forgery, a case of hooligans run amok.
• June 30: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 12:12 a.m. at Main and Quintana. Logs indicated the 28-year-old rapscallion had three drug-related warrants and was arrested. During a search, officers allegedly found suspected drugs and paraphernalia on her person. And despite all that, she was cited and released, no doubt under the new catch-and-release job security program.
• June 29: Police responded to Del Mar Elementary School in the 500 block of Sequoia where a kid said some apparent bully threatened him with a knife and demanded he turn over his scooter, as a life of hooliganism apparently starts early with some people.
• June 29: At 3:18 p.m. an apparently guilt-ridden fellow, 57, turned himself in for a warrant.
• June 29: Some citizen turned in some firearms for police to destroy.
• June 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:51 a.m. at Main and Shasta. Logs indicated the driver, 44, committed the unholy Trinity — a suspended license, expired registration and no insurance, and will now receive California’s true death penalty — going to the DMV.
• June 29: At 12:02 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana someone found a bicycle and police rode away with it.
• June 29: At 11:43 p.m., police arrested yet another dingus with warrants, aged 22, in the 700 block of Quintana.
• June 28: At 8:15 p.m. police responded to a disturbance at Coleman Drive and the Embarcadero. A 27-year-old bounder was nicked for being buttered in public.
• June 27: Police responded at 11:30 p.m. to a reported domestic dustup in the 2600 block of Main. Logs indicated a 35-year-old louse was arrested for alleged abuse of his spouse and was hauled to the big house.
• June 27: Police responded at 9 p.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where a woman was apparently having a sloshed moment. Police locked up a 36-year-old tomato for being stewed.
• June 27: Police responded at 7:34 p.m. to the 900 block of Main where some apparently drunk, crankypated fellow, 62, kicked paramedics who were apparently there to help his ungrateful a**.
• June 26: Police were called at 11:51 p.m. to Marina Square in the 600 block of Embarcadero to chase off a trio of wharf rats that were apparently squatting for the night. Police arrested a woman, 38, and two gents aged 64 and 51 for suspicion of trespassing and being crunked in public.
• June 26: Police responded at 7:48 p.m. to a disturbance in City Park on Harbor Street. Logs indicated a familiar hombre, 37, got tossed into the slammer for being soused and having at least one bench warrant issued for, well, being soused. He slept it off at the Parkinson Plaza.
• June 26: Police responded at 3:45 p.m. to an assault report in the 300 block of Dunbar St. Logs indicated they made an arrest, but didn’t cough up the charges, nor the nodcock’s name.
• June 26: Police at 11:40 a.m. responded to a general emergency call in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated a City street tree dropped a limb and struck a parked car. They documented the dastardly act but apparently won’t arrest the tree.
• June 26: Police responded at 1:30 a.m. to a disorderly conduct report in the 500 block of Marina. Logs indicated they found a 25-year-old annoying flesh monkey allegedly trespassing on the caller’s roof and balcony. He was nicked for suspicion of trespassing and being out of his tree, which explains a lot.
• June 26: Police responded at 12:45 a.m. to an assault reported in the 800 block of Market. Logs indicated this time a 46-year-old louse was arrested for abuse of his spouse and got tossed into the big house.
• June 25: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:34 p.m. in the 1500 block of Main for some no doubt trumped up code violation. Logs indicated the 22-year-old driver was cited for a suspended license, and sentenced to suffer the slings and arrows of the DMV.
• June 25: Police responded at 4:17 p.m. to The Morro Bay Fish Company in the 1200 block of Embarcadero where some scaly scalawags stole fish, a hanging offense in this town.
• June 25: Police responded at 2:10 p.m. to a report of someone having a bit of a meltdown in the 1600 block of Preston Ln. Logs indicated the subject’s behavior with officers on scene led to a citation for allegedly making criminal threats and “deterring an officer” by threatening violence against him, too. The non compos mentis fellow was taken to Sierra Vista Hospital, where he was cited and turned over to “a constant observer” until County Mental Health arrived.
• June 24: Police stopped a suspicious car at 9:20 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Atascadero road. Logs indicated the scofflaw, 28, had a suspended license and was cited and released to mercies of the merciless DMV.
• June 24: Police responded at 4 p.m. to the 700 block of Embarcadero to referee an uncivil dispute “between co-owners of a business.” A courtesy report was taken for the lawsuit sure to follow.
• June 23: Police contacted a familiar fellow at 5:14 p.m. in the 1000 block of Front St. Logs indicated the scofflaw, 40, had multiple “failure to appear warrants” and was of course issued another disappearance ticket and unleashed back amongst the law-abiding peasantry.
• June 22: Someone surrendered something lost somewhere sometime by some unknown somebody.
• June 23: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 8:31 a.m. who’d apparently crawled out from the creek in the 300 block of Quintana. The apparent squit, 36, had only one bench warrant and so was given a second and released, no doubt having six or 10 to go to actually get arrested.
• June 23: Police responded at 6:10 a.m. to a reported robbery at the Mobile Gas Station at 911 Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated police arrested a 22-year-old woman for suspicion of robbery and assault. Ol’ Bonnie Parker was tossed into the dungeon.
• June 22: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 10:18 p.m. at Radcliff and Main. Logs indicated the 35-year-old swamp donkey had a warrant, which didn’t warrant arrest but warranted issuance of a future warrant.
• June 22: At 4:19 p.m. police responded to Main and Sequoia for a suspicious parked car. They towed off the nefarious vehicle for an expired registration, making the world once again safe for democracy.
• June 21: Police contacted yet another scofflaw with warrants, at 4:50 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. The 49-year-old feculent fellow had two warrants and was given another one to ignore.
• June 21: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 7:20 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The 37-year-old chap was nicked for allegedly being higher than the stacks on drugs, an apparent case where the early worm got the bird.
• June 21: Police responded at 2:23 a.m. for a disturbance in the 200 block of MBB. Logs indicated a 19-year-old mulish fellow allegedly violated a stay-the-hell-away-from-her order and got checked into the iron bar hotel.
• June 20: Police responded to an unresponsive person report at 3:35 p.m. at an apartment in the 200 block of Dunes.
• June 20: The red light hooligan roundup continued with the apprehension of one scofflaw with a warrant in the 300 block of Quintana at 11:54 a.m. He was cited and released. And a second model citizen with a warrant was cited at 1 p.m. at Main and Errol.