• July 16: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:37 p.m. on Teresa Drive. Logs indicated the 44-year old was arrested on a single, no-bail, misdemeanor warrant from somewhere out of the county.
• July 15: Police caught up to a gambling fellow, 41, at 11:37 p.m. at Main and Las Vegas. He had nine bench warrants and crapped out at the Iron Bar Hotel.
• July 15: At 6:46 p.m. police arrested a 22-year-old woman for three bench warrants in the 11900 block of Los Osos Valley Rd., which is far outside of Morro Bay, and begs the question — Is the juice worth the squeeze?
• July 15: Police responded at 4:34 p.m. to a reported car crash out by Morro Rock. Sorry, no gory details were available. Earlier, at 10:30 a.m. there was another fender-bender reported in the area of Rennel and Tide.
• July 15: Police contacted a suspicious woman sashaying down the 200 block of Harbor at 3:40 a.m. The swizzle stick, 37, was nicked for allegedly being tore up from the floor up.
• July 14: At 5:55 a.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow at Main and Atascadero Road. Logs indicated the 30-year-old gent was allegedly in possession of drugs and a glass crack pipe and got his buzz killed in County Jail.
• July 13: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:52 a.m. in the 1300 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 54, had a suspended license and got cited and released.
• July 12: Police were called to a melee involving three people at 11 a.m. in the 200 block of Main. Logs indicated when officers arrived they arrested a 48-year-old woman for suspicion of being bent in public, which might explain a lot.
• July 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:20 pm. in the 1100 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 24, was cited for having “prohibited window tinting” and no registration, hanging offenses in this state.
• July 11: At 2:30 p.m. police contacted an apparent wild woman actin’ a fool in the 800 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 38-year-old belle of the ball was nicked for suspicion of being high on drugs, possessing drugs and possessing a crack pipe.
• July 10: Police responded at 11:39 a.m. to a car crash at Main and Atascadero Road, where the city council decided a Roundabout is safer than 4-way stop signs.
• July 11: A citizen in the 500 block of Monterey told police that some apparent kleptomaniac stole his motorcycle helmet, proving once again that people will steal anything.
• July 10: Police contacted a familiar woman, 29, at 10:17 p.m. in the 500 block of Harbor. Logs indicated she had a warrant and was issued another disappearance ticket and let loose.
• July 9: At 11 p.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated he was hauled away for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia. A 27-year-old woman there had two bench warrants and was issued a future third and released.
• July 9: Police contacted another suspicious subject at 10:53 p.m. in the 600 block of Morro Bay Blvd. This hombre had four bench warrants and chilled in the cooler.
• July 9: Police responded to a disturbance at 6:30 p.m. in the 1600 block of Main. Logs indicated they took a woman to County Mental Health for a 72-hour timeout.
• July 9: Police responded to a hotel in the 900 block of Morro after someone found a firearm in a guest room.
• July 9: Police responded to Bayshore Park in the 100 block of Bayshore Dr., where some apparent nature lover said someone paddled off with his or her kayak.
• July 8: police responded to a disturbance at 4 p.m. in the 400 block of Bernardo. Logs indicated they placed an apparently unsettled woman with County Mental Health for being a danger to herself.
• July 8: Police towed away a parked car from Morro and Surf because the owner failed to tithe the DMV for at least 6 months.
• July 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the highly suspect time of 1:52 a.m. in the 900 block of MBB, near the Roundabout. Logs indicated the driver, 30, was hauled to the hoosegow for suspicion of driving sideways.
• July 6: Police towed yet another hooligan vehicle with expired tags from the 2400 block of Reno Ct.
• July 5: Police responded at 4:50 p.m. to the 400 block of Bernardo where someone told them a “mentally handicapped” woman hit two men while “en route to a program,” no doubt anger management class.
• July 5: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 46, at 9:37 p.m. in the 1100 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated all they could cite her on was alleged possession of drug paraphernalia, as her stash was no doubt already shot.
• July 5: Police took a missing person report in the 900 block of Carmel.
• July 4: Someone turned in some tool they found someplace for police to do something with.
• July 4: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 10:08 p.m. in the 1100 block of Napa. The 42-year-old fellow was allegedly in possession of drugs and Independence Day became Incarceration Day.
• July 3: At 7 p.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero, police placed an apparently upset mentally ill fellow on a 3-day forced vacation.
• July 3: Police scampered over to the 2600 block of Hemlock for a reported theft via the Internet. No word on how much the scammers scammed out of the scam victim.
• July 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:25 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the driver, 69, was allegedly drunk and was arrested, because the nail that sticks out gets hammered.
• July 2: Police espied a car driving without headlights at 8:54 p.m. at Morro Strand State Park Campground. Logs indicated they stopped the 58-year-old dim bulb driving and she was plugged into County Jail for suspicion of driving lit.
• July 2: A citizen in the 2000 block of Greenwood told police that some unknown anarchist stole two firearms from his cache.
• July 2: A Harbor Patrol officer took a green fanny pack to the police station that someone had found somewhere that contained drugs. No word on who lost it, just like at the White House.
• July 1: Police cited a 49-year-old man in the 300 block of Quintana who allegedly stole a boat anchor from the Good Flea Thrift Store.
• July 1: At 9:36 a.m. in the 1500 block of Main police stopped a guy they allegedly saw yammering on a cell phone when he’s supposed to be driving. A DMV check revealed that his license was suspended for a previous drunk driving, a case of a toll charge for a cell call.
• July 1: Police towed away a bothersome car parked too long at Monterey and Morro Bay Boulevard.
• June 30: Police towed off a car parked at Atascadero Road and Main because the DMV hadn’t been fed its pound of flesh.
• June 30: At 11:40 a.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow, 45, at Monterey and the Boulevard and cited the scofflaw for a bench warrant.
• June 29: Someone turned a knife they had found someplace in town into the police station.
• June 29: At 12:06 p.m. police contacted a familiar foe in the 900 block of MBB. Logs indicated a 38-year-old woman was headed to jail for eight bench warrants and suspicion of being boozy in public. During a search they allegedly found drugs and paraphernalia in her possession, which ought to make the judge real happy to see her.
• June 28: Police responded to a disturbance at 8:55 a.m. in the 800 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 42-year-old mulish fellow was nicked for allegedly violating a criminal stay-the-hell-away order.
• June 28: Police contacted another lady on the lam at 12:12 a.m. at Main and Harbor. The 48-year-old bail jumper was taken to the County B&B on nine bench warrants, nowhere near a record for these parts, but a noteworthy attempt.
• June 27: Police responded at 7 p.m. to Main and Surf for a hit-n-split crash involving a parked car and a fence. Officers caught up to the fiend, 53, who admitted to being at fault and agreed to pay for the SNAFU.
• June 27: Police responded at 11 a.m. to the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., where someone said his tricycle was stolen from outside his mobile home, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• June 26: At 4 p.m. a fellow said his motorcycle was stolen from the 1400 block of Quintana.
• June 26: Police contacted a suspicious man at 12:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Monterey and charged the indecent fellow with suspicion of public indecency after he was allegedly seen shaking the lizard in public.