• July 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:22 p.m. at Morro Bay Boulevard and Shasta. Logs indicated the driver consented to a field breath test, which the 28-year-old fellow apparently failed miserably, blowing a .14.
• July 29: Police contacted an apparent swagman lurking about on Kennedy Way at 8 p.m. Logs indicated the model citizen had a warrant from out of the county and was issued another citation and released, no doubt part of the ol’ job security program.
• July 29: At 4:36 p.m. police at Lila Keiser Park contacted a suspicious subject who they discovered had a felony warrant. And so the scofflaw was whisked off to the County re-education center.
• July 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10 a.m. in the 900 block of Allesandro. The driver, 38, was arrested for a suspended license and sentenced to the DMV.
• July 29: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 35, at 2:49 a.m. traipsing about in the 700 block of Quintana. She was nicked for suspicion of possessing paraphernalia and illegal drugs, in this week’s example of why they call it dope.
• July 29: Police contacted another twisted sister, 39, at 12:12 a.m. in the 1000 block of Main. Logs indicated she was busted for alleged possession of drugs and being higher than the stacks in public. She was booked into a somewhat murky future.
• July 28: Police took a report in the 400 block of Quintana of a stolen motorcycle license plate, proving once again that people will steal anything.
• July 28: At 2:12 p.m. in the 800 block of MBB police arrested a suspicious squit, 52, for suspicion of being butt-toasted on drugs.
• July 28: Police rolled to a reported car crash at 11:44 a.m. in the 2000 block of Main, which a roundabout won’t likely prevent.
• July 28: Police responded to Cloisters Park at 1:30 p.m. where some apparent idjit vandalized something and then stole something else, as the crime wave begins.
• July 27: Police contacted an old friend at 10:22 a.m. in the 2800 block of Main who had four bench warrants, which while a lot only warranted a future fifth no-show.
• July 27: Police responded at 8 a.m. to the 2200 block of Emerald Cr., in the Cloisters where some dingus broke a “glass protector,” which apparently needed protecting itself.
• July 26: Police contacted a 33-year-old desperado at the Community Center on Kennedy Way who had a failure to appear warrant. He was issued a citation and assigned a new court date to miss.
• July 26: Police contacted yet another citizen of the year, 30, in the 700 block of Harbor at 4:32 p.m. who had six bench warrants. He was of course issued a seventh disappearance ticket and released.
• July 24: At 1:21 p.m. in the 500 block of Norwich, police took possession of a firearm and ammunition that someone said he or she found.
• July 22: Police contacted some suspicious subjects at 4:35 p.m. in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way. Logs indicated a 38-year-old rapscallion had a bench warrant. He was cited again and released to go on his merry way. Another 44-year-old heathen also had a bench warrant, was cited and released. And a 39-year-old bad girl had five bench warrants and while one might speculate that five will get you 30-days, she too was cited and unleashed back into the wild.
• July 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4 p.m. in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd. for some undisclosed code violation. Logs indicated the 28-year-old driver had a suspended license and a bench warrant, and was given another ticket to ignore and released, presumably on foot.
• July 22: Police contacted an apparently offensive fellow at 3:42 p.m. in the infamous 700 block of Quintana Rd. Logs indicated the 54-year-old scofflaw had a bench warrant and he too was subjected to the tortuous sentence of cite-release.
• July 22: Police visited the wilds of Quintana once again at 3:16 p.m. where they encountered a female hellcat, 53, who had an out-of-county bench warrant. She was given an in-county chit and released.
• July 22: Police towed away an oafish vehicle parked too long in the 700 block of Harbor.
• July 21: Police stopped a couple of suspicious vehicles at 11:34 p.m. in the area of Butte and Balboa. Logs indicated they dinged a 28-year-old and 33-year-old borrachos for suspicion of driving twisted.
• July 21: Some lady turned in a wallet she said she found near Kern Avenue and Morro Bay Boulevard; might it be yours?
• July 20: Police responded at 3:51 p.m. to a car crash in the 500 block of Bernardo. No gruesome details were forthcoming.
• July 20: Police responded at 4:40 p.m. to a deceased subject in the 2800 block of Fir.
• July 20: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the Shell Station in the 900 block of MBB where they nicked a 25-year-old sticky fingered unruly woman for suspicion of taking “help-yourself” from the pump into the store and disturbing the peace when she got caught.
• July 19: Police took a report from a citizen in the 1000 block of Las Tunas who was scammed out of $6,700, which is a felony even in Califreakornia.
• July 19: Police responded at 9:30 a.m. to the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd. where a guy reported that some no good thief stole his 2007 Ford F-150 truck from where he’d parked it on July 18. Logs indicated the clueless Schmoe found his wheels a day later parked a block over on Harbor Street.
• July 18: Police espied a guy driving recklessly through town in the 1500 block of Quintana at 7:45 p.m. Logs indicated the well-known suspect, 38, ditched the car outside the City Limits and ran off. He was last seen about 400 feet from his car and no doubt beatin’ feet to get away, which he did. However, police laughed last when they towed his car away.
• July 18: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:12 p.m. in the 400 block of South Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 65-year-old driver was nicked on suspicion of driving thick as a tick.
• July 18: Police took a report from a required reporter of some someone inflicting corporal injury on a child in the 700 block of Butte.
• July 18: A citizen in the 700 block of Quintana said someone lifted his or her wallet and then used the credit cards at Walmart in Arroyo Grande, so the thieves are apparently sneaky and cheap.
• July 18: Someone found a jar of suspected drugs in the 500 block of Quintana and turned it over to police. Logs indicated police suspect it was methamphetamine and weed.
• July 17: Police responded to a disturbance at 4:54 p.m. in the 1000 block of Market. Logs indicated an apparently mulish fellow, 54, was arrested for resisting arrest and obstructing emergency personnel, for as Confucius never said, “Nails that stick out get hammered.”
• July 17: Police arrested a 38-year-old apparent sinner they contacted at 3:53 p.m. for suspicion of possessing meth in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way at St. Timothy’s Catholic Church, where he would surely be forgiven, but the judge is another matter.
• July 17: Police responded at 2:45 p.m. to a report of vandalism in the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated they suspected a certain 53-year-old graffidiot to be the culprit and indeed he was later arrested for the apparent defacement.