• Aug. 13: Police responded at 5:07 p.m. to O’Reilly Auto Parts in the 700 block of Quintana to deal with some pest of a fellow. Logs indicated the 37-year-old squit was nicked for suspicion of possession of drugs and paraphernalia and being higher than the stacks, which naturally follows.
• Aug. 13: Some petty thief committed petty theft in the 200 block of Surf. Police documented the offense.
• Aug. 12: Police responded to Lila Keiser Park at 10:15 p.m. for a reported assault. Logs indicated the scuffle was between two juveniles with one crying foul! Police will investigate the battery charge.
• Aug. 12: Somebody found something somewhere in the 1000 block of Main and police got stuck with it.
• Aug. 12: Police responded at 7 p.m. for a disturbance in the 400 block of Shasta and some apparently upset fellow was placed for 72-hours in the lovin’ arms of County Mental Health.
• Aug. 12: Police responded at 4:30 p.m. to some apparent rapscallions milling about in the 400 block of Quintana. A 50-year-old mope was nicked for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia, and being fit-shaced on dope. A 48-year-old woman had two bench warrants but was just issued a third and released to catch again tomorrow.
• Aug. 12: Something else was found in the 1600 block of Main and given to police for safekeeping. Under the house rules, if no one claims it in 30 days it’s finders-keepers.
• Aug. 12: Police responded at 12:45 p.m. to a reported injury suffered in the 1300 block of Main. Logs said the injury happened at the City’s WRF jobsite and police documented the tragedy for the inevitable lawsuit to follow.
• Aug. 12: Police responded at 11:31 a.m. to a car crash at San Bernardo and Anchor, no doubt at one of the City’s infamous uncontrolled intersections. No injuries or blame were noted.
• Aug. 12: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:10 a.m. at a home in the 500 block of Main. Logs indicated a 24-year-old was nicked for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia and being stoned.
• Aug. 11: Someone came to the police station on Morro Bay Blvd. and turned over a black backpack they’d found somewhere in town that contained an iPad.
• Aug. 11: Police responded at 5:50 p.m. to a possible child abuse report on La Loma St.
• Aug. 11: At 5 p.m. police chanced upon a familiar face in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. The 57-year-old citizen of the year was popped for allegedly being schwacked on drugs.
• Aug. 11: Police responded at 2:50 p.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 400 block of Napa. Logs indicated some mulish person violated a stay-away court order and police will file a report with the district attorney, so he’s in trouble now.
• Aug. 11: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 1:15 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana at McDonald’s. The 37-year-old scofflaw was nicked for a felony warrant and then allegedly resisted arrest, which seems about six fries short of a Happy Meal.
• Aug. 11: Police responded at 1 p.m. to a report of a mentally disturbed person on Nutmeg Avenue. He or she was taken for a 72-hour hold “for danger to self.”
• Aug. 11: At 8:46 a.m. in the 2100 block of Seaview, police towed away a car parked in one place for too long.
• Aug. 11: Police responded to a disturbance at 7:18 a.m. at Hwy 1 and Atascadero Road. Logs indicated they arrested a 37-year-old ruffian on a battery charge.
• Aug. 10: Someone turned in a cell phone and Vietnam Veteran ball cap they’d found somewhere, as apparently the owner is MIA.
• Aug. 9: Police responded at 7:45 p.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 400 block of Morro Cove. Logs indicated police contacted the victim regarding a domestic dustup between husband and wife. A report will be filed with the D.A. but logs didn’t indicate whether ‘twas he or she what done the wrong.
• Aug. 9: At 4:37 p.m. someone came to the police station and reported a sexual assault. Police will investigate and God willing punish the bastard.
• Aug. 8: Police responded to the 500 block of San Joaquin for a report of some larcenous skint siphoning gas out of parked cars, which really sucks.
• Aug. 8: Police responded to the 600 block of Shasta where a juvenile said he or she was getting threats. Police will investigate the bullies.
• Aug. 8: Police responded at 8 p.m. to a mental health emergency in the 400 block of Las Vegas and carted the poor soul off on a little vacation.
• Aug. 7: Someone dropped off something at the police station that they found somewhere in town, and someone else did likewise a few hours earlier, hey, maybe someday they should hold a garage sale.
• Aug. 7: Police responded at 2 p.m. to the Rock parking lot to speak with someone who said his or her credit cards and cash were stolen out of their locked vehicle, as the tourist tax is collected once again.
• Aug. 7: Police responded at 7 p.m. to Hemlock and Avalon for a hairy car crack-up. No injuries reported.
• Aug. 7: Police spotted a suspicious fellow allegedly in Cypress Plaza at Subway, at 2:05 p.m. The 30-year-old persona non-grata was cited for suspicion of trespassing and a little matter of a bench warrant. He was released to trespass his a** away from here.
• Aug. 7: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 12:23 p.m. in the 1600 block of Main. The 36-year-old annoying flesh monkey was nicked for suspicion of being stoned on drugs.
• Aug. 6: Police responded at 3 p.m. to a reported shipwreck at Piney Way and Pacific. Logs indicated a low-hanging utility wire “was struck by the mast of a towed sailboat.”
• Aug. 6: Police responded at 10 a.m. to an apartment in the 2600 block of Main where they ended up arresting a 40-year-old man for alleged possession of drugs, drug paraphernalia and being stultified. He checked into the County B&B.
• Aug. 5: Police responded at 6:21 p.m. to the 700 block of Embarcadero for a reported assault. Logs indicated the case was a domestic violence incident involving robbery and car theft. A complaint is being sent to the D.A.
• Aug. 5: Police contacted yet another glowworm, 37, at 12:30 p.m. in the 1600 block of Main who was then arrested for the unholy trilogy — possession of drugs, drug paraphernalia and being zig-zagged.
• Aug. 5: Police contacted a woman, 60, in the 800 block of Napa who had a bench warrant. She was issued another ticket and released, because here we throw back the little ones.
• Aug. 5: A vehicle burglary was reported in the area of Olive and Bernardo and police have no leads to go on.
• Aug. 4: Police took a report of possible child abuse on Dunbar Street that apparently occurred back on July 19.
• Aug. 4: Police responded at 11:42 a.m. to the 600 block of Ponderosa. Logs said the resident had passed away and was found by a family member.
• Aug. 3: Police responded at 9 p.m. to a disturbance at Albertson’s Market. An apparently raucous chap, 64, was nicked for allegedly being schnockered in public.
• Aug. 3: A woman in the 800 block of Main told police that some apparent grifter woman is “trying to extort money from her via threats of civil action over property,” an apparent case of never bow before hyenas.
• Aug. 3: A citizen in the 3100 block of Coral called at 2:36 a.m. to report that some apparent hooligan tried to break into their backyard garden shed.
• Aug. 2: Police contacted another suspicious subject at 10:38 p.m. at Harbor and Piney Way. The 30-year-old idjit was arrested for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs.
• Aug. 2: Someone gave local police a firearm that was found in an Air B&B in the 2000 block of McCabe St., in Cambria, as apparently the Sheriff’s Department, which patrols Cambria, was unavailable.
• Aug. 2: Police stumbled upon an apparent stumblebum, 26, traipsing about at Pacific and Embarcadero at 1:13 p.m. Logs indicated the swizzle stick was nicked for being thick as a tick.
• Aug. 2: Police responded at 5 p.m. to the 1300 block of Prescott for a smash-n-dash collision.
• Aug. 2: Police responded at 3 p.m. to the 2000 block of Bayview where a woman said her valuable ring was missing from inside her house.
• Aug. 2: The Harbor Department turned in a collection of jetsam and flotsam they’d collected from the waterfront and around the bay.
• Aug. 2: At 3:42 a.m. in the 300 block of Quintana, police contacted a couple of regular customers — a 48-year-old woman with four bench warrants, and a 37-year-old fellow scofflaw with one, so naturally, they issued another summons for them to ignore.
• Aug. 1: Police responded at 10:26 p.m. in the 100 block of Sandpiper Ct. and placed someone under a mental health timeout, as a danger to themselves. At 11:24 p.m. in the 300 block of Las Vegas, another citizen went into crisis with the same actions taken.
• Aug. 1: Police responded at 9:12 p.m. to a guy going al woolly-booger in City Park on Harbor St. Logs indicated a 48-year-old humanicus dooficus was nailed for suspicion of being hammered in public.