• Sept. 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:52 p.m. at San Jacinto and Coral. A 34-year-old woman was nicked for suspicion of driving schmammered.
• Sept. 11: Police took a vandalism report in the 500 block of Harbor. No word on whether it was an act of mass destruction or the work of some graffidiot.
• Sept. 10: Police took a smash-n-dash report in the 2300 block of Laurel.
• Sept. 10: A 35-year-old woman surrendered to police at the stationhouse on a felony warrant, and was actually sent to the dungeon.
• Sept. 10: Police contacted two suspicious people at 9:44 a.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. A 50-year-old man and 58-year-old woman were both cited for suspicion of possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia. He got released but she was hauled to the nick, which seems rather uncivilized.
• Sept. 9: Police responded at 9:26 p.m. to Rite Aid in the 700 block of Quintana to deal with a squit who was refusing to leave. The 49-year-old mulish jenny was arrested.
• Sept. 9: Police responded at 6:50 to a traffic hazard in the 1100 block of Allesandro. Logs indicated some dingus left a car up on jacks in the roadway with no parking brake or tire chuck, so police towed it away.
• Sept. 9: Police contacted a repeat customer at 6:30 p.m. in City Park on Harbor Street. The 40-year-old fiend was arrested for five bench warrants, as the message will now finally get through.
• Sept. 9: Police stopped a suspicious fellow at 9:43 p.m. at Morro Bay Boulevard and Hwy 1. The 64-year-old apparent swagman had a bench warrant and was issued another and released.
• Sept. 9: Two cars went boom at 8:54 a.m. on Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena. No injuries to report.
• Sept. 8: Police contacted another model citizen at 11:17 p.m. in the 500 block of Quintana. He had two bench warrants and was issued a third and released back into the wild.
• Sept. 8: Police responded to a disturbance at 4:16 p.m. in the 600 block of Napa an assisted a vigilant citizen make a citizen’s arrest for trespassing.
• Sept. 7: Police responded at 11:55 a.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 400 block of Napa. Logs indicated they arrested a 45-year-old louse for harassing his spouse, in violate of a court order.
• Sept. 7: A harbor patrol officer turned over a wallet that someone found.
• Sept. 7: Police responded at 9:23 a.m. to the Morro Dunes RV Park in the 1700 block of Embarcadero where some unhappy camper had their bicycle stolen.
• Sept. 6: Police took another hit-n-split crash report in the 2800 block of Main.
• Sept. 6: Police responded at 2 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., for a reported runaway juvenile. No word on when the juvenile was found.
• Sept. 6: Police towed away a vehicle from the area of Butte and Balboa because the owner hasn’t given the DMV its pound of flesh in over 6 months.
• Sept. 6: Police responded at 11:22 a.m. to Albertson’s Market where they caught yet another nillionaire using the help-yourself lane. The 36-year-old fellow was cited for suspicion of shoplifting and trespassing.
• Sept. 6: Police stopped a suspicious fellow at 1:05 a.m. at Albertson’s. Logs indicated the master criminal, 66, was arrested for suspicion of being stoned on drugs, possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia, being a drug addict in possession of a firearm and possession of a short barrel rifle, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Sept. 5: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:57 p.m. in the 400 block of Surf. Logs indicated a 51-year-old tomato was nicked for suspicion of driving stewed.
• Sept. 5: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:56 p.m. in the 500 block of Embarcadero. A 44-year-old man was popped for suspicion of driving inflated.
• Sept. 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:30 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main. The 38-year-old driver got hooked up for suspicion of driving twisted.
• Sept. 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:24 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the driver, 41, got cited and released for expired tags, but his passenger, 49, was a keeper and went to the hoosegow for an out-of-state felony warrant.
• Sept. 4: Police towed off a vehicle with expired tags over 6 months that was discovered occupying the streets apparently reserved for paying customers at Radcliff and Bolton.
• Sept. 4: Police responded at 10 a.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Napa. Logs indicated some bonehead violated a stay-the-hell-away court order.
• Sept. 4: Police stopped an apparently strange vehicle at 8:08 a.m. in the 600 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the driver, 32, was arrested for being too smashed to drive, and no doubt too early in the morning to be drunk.
• Sept. 3: Police responded at 12:23 p.m. to Miner’s Hardware in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., where they caught some 63-year-old apparently sticky-fingered knucklehead allegedly shoplifting. He got booked into the Parkinson Plaza.
• Sept. 2: Police spied a suspicious woman at 3:24 p.m. at City Park on Harbor Street. Naturally, she had a bench warrant and was issued a second disappearance ticket and released to catch another day.
• Sept. 2: Police responded urgently at 1:36 p.m. to a suspicious subject reported at Urgent Care in the 700 block of Quintana. A 35-year-old irritating mope was nicked for suspicion of being high on dope, possessing dope, and being a dope that violated parole.
• Sept. 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:22 p.m. at Albertson’s Market in the 700 block of Quintana. The 67-year-old fellow was cited for a suspended license and sentenced to spend eternity in Hades, at the DMV.
• Sept. 1: Police responded at 2:11 p.m. to Albertson’s for a disturbance. Logs indicated they arrested a 43-year-old harasstard for violating a restraining order and alleged drug and paraphernalia possession, a violation of Rule 66 — Never carry drugs when harassing someone.
• Sept. 1: Police were at Albertson’s Market at 12:19 a.m. and contacted a suspicious fellow, 38, who they arrested for a bench warrant and alleged possession of a crack pipe, his stash no doubt gone up in smoke.
Aug. 31: Police contacted a familiar foe at 11:39 p.m. in the 1700 block of Main. The 36-year-old scofflaw had a warrant and suspected crack pipe on him, so he went to the hoosegow.
• Aug. 31: Police responded at 4:52 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., for a reported smash-n-dash.
• Aug. 31: Police responded to a disturbance at 4:39 p.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Someone was apparently having a bit of a fit and got put into a 72-hour timeout.
• Aug. 31: A citizen came to the police station to report receiving threatening text messages.
• Aug. 31: At 12:30 p.m. police towed away an offending vehicle parked too long in the 800 block of Napa.
• Aug. 31: Police charged to an apartment in the 400 block of Main and took a report for suspected credit card fraud.
• Aug. 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:30 pm. at Main and San Jacinto. Logs indicated the driver, 33, was first contacted at Hwy 1 and Easter and apparently didn’t stop right away. He was nicked for suspicion of “driving while addicted to controlled substances” and of course DUI.
• Aug. 30: Someone found a set of car keys and turned them over to police to find the owner, who wouldn’t be expected to have gotten too far.
• Aug. 29: Police responded at 9:30 p.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the incident involved spousal battery and strong arm robbery and was sent to the district attorney.
• Aug. 29: Police responded at 4:41 p.m. to the 700 block of MBB for a report of a disorderly fellow raising Caine. A 43-year-old ruffled ruffian was nicked for suspicion of being bent in public, ‘cause when you ruffle a peacock’s feathers, he’s just a chicken.
• Aug. 29: Police responded at 3:36 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1400 block of Quintana. A 43-year-old role model was nicked for suspicion of being high as the stacks on dope.