• Dec. 25: Police responded to the 1400 block of Teresa Dr., for a reported case of suspected elder abuse.
• Dec. 24: Police contacted a suspicious subject traipsing down the 800 block of Main at 6:41 p.m. Logs indicated the 58-year-old swizzle stick was nicked for suspicion of public insobriety.
• Dec. 23: Lord have mercy! Someone reported a local pastor for “possible sexual misconduct.”
• Dec. 23: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 2:49 p.m. in the 2900 block of Alder. Logs indicated the She Devil, 54, was arrested for suspicion of being tore up from the floor up on illegal drugs.
• Dec. 21: Someone came to the station house to report a case of embezzlement; sorry, no further juicy details were available.
• Dec. 21: Someone in the 2600 block of Main reported vandalism, as the graffidiots have struck again.
• Dec. 21: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6 p.m. on Hwy 1 north. Logs indicated the 36-year-old carousel rider was arrested for suspicion of possessing narcotics, a weapons violation, and a parole violation, which explains how he got caught.
• Dec. 21: Police responded at 8:15 a.m. to a disturbance in the 800 block of Pacific. Logs indicated the resident filed a complaint of her apparent ex violating a domestic violence, keep-the-hell-away court order.
• Dec. 21: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 1:05 a.m. lurking about in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the little squit, 28, had a bench warrant and was issued another to ignore and released to slither away.
• Dec. 20: Yet another suspicious fellow was contacted at 9:42 p.m. somewhere on Main. That urchin, 36, had one felony and four misdemeanor warrants and got arrested. But he picked up another charge when he was allegedly found to be possessing drug paraphernalia.
• Dec. 20: A local real estate agent told police that “For Sale” signs had been removed from two listings in the 1300 block of Berwick.
• Dec. 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:08 p.m. on Morro Avenue. The 18-year-old rookie driver was nicked for suspicion of driving full as a tick.
• Dec. 19: Police responded at 9:50 to a car crash in the 100 block of Atascadero Rd. No injuries reported.
• Dec. 23: Police responded to the 300 block of Sequoia at 4:40 p.m. for an alleged case of suspected child abuse.
• Dec. 18: Police responded to a home in the 500 block of Main where the resident said he or she’d been robbed of some valuable treasure that was stored in the carport.
• Dec. 18: Police responded at 10:30 a.m. to a disturbance in the 1200 block of Main. Logs indicated a 36-year-old humanicus dooficus was arrested for violating a stay-away court order. It was the fourth violation the mulish chap committed in just a few days, the others being on Dec. 14, 21 and 20, all at the same location. The case from the 14th was sent to the District Attorney for possible inaction; while the incidents on the 20th and 21st resulted in his being taken in for a photo shoot.
• Dec. 16: Police responded at 8:40 a.m. to a disturbed woman causing a ruckus at Dolly’s Donuts in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way. The 33-year-old apparent saucy fritter was arrested for felony resisting arrest and was dunked into the County lockup.
• Dec. 16: Police responded at 2:12 a.m. to the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. A 39-year-old woman and a 65-year-old man were nicked for suspicion of being schwasted in public, disorderly conduct, possession of drug paraphernalia and multiple bench warrants.
• Dec. 15: Someone reported a suspected case of petty theft at Morro Bay High School, which is after all the Home of the Pirates.
• Dec. 15: Police responded to a reported disturbance at 5:36 a.m. at Main and Hwy 41. A 32-year-old borracho was arrested after reportedly “displaying objective signs and symptoms of being under the influence of a controlled substance while in public,” i.e. being stultified where some tourist might see you.
• Dec. 15: At 2 a.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow in the area of Main and Radcliff. The apparent scruffy Philistine, 30, had five bench warrants and was taken to the hoosegow.
• Dec. 14: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:08 p.m. in the 1500 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 21, was arrested for suspicion of driving twisted. He was cited and released at the police station to a responsible party, a case where it’s good to have some sober friends.
• Dec. 14: Police responded at 3:20 p.m. to a fender-bender at Pacific and Main, you know, the place the neighbors asked for a 4-way stop to be installed but were overruled by the bureaucrats. No injuries reported.
• Dec. 14: Police stopped another suspicious car at the highly suspect time of 1:09 a.m. at South Bay and Hwy 1. The driver, 39, was nailed for suspicion of driving hammered.
• Dec. 13: Police stopped yet another suspicious car at 9:47 p.m. in the 1600 block of Main. The driver, a 37-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of being clocked out behind the wheel and got checked into the County B&B.
• Dec. 13: Police responded to the 500 block of Atascadero Road where a citizen told a tale of woe and identify theft after some scalawag tried to buy a bunch of no doubt useless crap on his or her good name.
• Dec. 13: Police contacted a suspicious man at 3 p.m. at Main and Zanzibar. The 51-year-old dude was nicked for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia, his stash apparently already gone up in smoke.
• Dec. 13: Police responded at 10:49 a.m. to a reported theft and vandalism at a business in the 300 block of Quintana, as the crime wave continues.
• Dec. 12: Police made a dash to Estero and Piney Way, where an apparently Irish lad had a bit too much of the blarney. He was tossed to the gaol, kit and caboodle and all, for being gattered to the wall.
• Dec. 12: Police responded at 3:51 p.m. to a traffic crash at Surf and West. No injuries reported.
• Dec. 12: Police responded at 1:10 p.m. to Blue Sky Bistro in the 600 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated someone found “drug related items” in a restroom.
• Dec. 11: Police were called at 8 a.m. to a reported trespasser in the 1400 block of Quintana. They arrested a 21-year-old, rather disagreeable fellow on suspicion of resisting arrest and trespassing. The interloper was hauled off to the gaol.
• Dec. 10: Police spoke to a juvenile on Monterey Avenue who reported a sex offense that apparently occurred in September 2021, but no doubt felt like it happened just yesterday.
• Dec. 10: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 9:30 a.m. in the 1000 block of Market. The 33-year old had three bench warrants. The model citizen was also charged with suspicion of possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia, as it was apparently early in the morning to be stoned, too.
• Dec. 10: Police responded at 1 p.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Dunbar. Logs indicated they arrested a 21-year-old woman for suspicion of being high as the stacks on drugs.
• Dec. 9: Police stopped a suspicious car at 8:20 p.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. A woman driver, 40, was nicked for suspicion of toes up driving.
• Dec. 9: Police responded at 11:30 a.m. to a business in the 400 block of Morro Bay Blvd., as some funky monkey broke into and vandalized the Tiger Monkey Tattoo Shop.
• Dec. 8: At 10:51 p.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow at Anytime Fitness in the 600 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 30-year-old citizen of the year also had three bench warrants and was taken to workout at County Jail.
• Dec. 8: Police responded to a report of a deceased person at 5 p.m. in the 100 block of Sandpiper Ln. The Coroner’s Office was notified.
• Dec. 8: At 1:30 p.m. police towed away an offending vehicle that was parked too long in the 2200 block of Emerald Cr.
• Dec. 8: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 12:10 a.m. in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. The 30-year-old scofflaw was arrested for seven bench warrants; as in this crapshoot of life, seven equals snake eyes.
• Dec. 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:09 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated Pearl Harbor Day came down hard on the 30-year-old driver who was hit for allegedly driving bombed on a suspended license, and having two bench warrants to boot. His ship was torpedoed into the hoosegow.
• Dec. 6: Police responded to a disturbance in the 1300 block of Clarabelle at 5:45 p.m. and arrested a 30-year-old mulish fellow for violating a stay-the-hell-away protective order. He went to the dungeon.
• Dec. 6: Police responded to a disturbance at 1:37 p.m. at Rite Aid in the 700 block of Quintana. A 30-year-old ruffian was charged with suspicion of battery.
• Dec. 6: Police contacted an annoying flesh monkey at midnight in the 600 block of Quintana apparently being a pest at Anytime Fitness. She had a bench warrant and police took her to the stationhouse, where they cited and released her with a new disappearance ticket.
• Dec. 5: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 11:49 p.m. in the 500 block of Quintana. The 38-year-old fellow had three bench warrants and was given his future fourth and released to go forth and sin no more. About an hour earlier, in the 1400 block of Main, another slacker was caught with just one bench warrant. He too was cited and unleashed on society.
• Dec. 5: Police responded at 8:18 a.m. to the 300 block of Quintana for another Morro Bay felony — someone vandalized a trash dumpster, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.