• Oct. 1: Police responded at 9:10 p.m. to somewhere on the Embarcadero for a sozzled chap causing some kind of dustup. Logs indicated the 21-year-old schnookered bonehead reportedly gave police a fake name, which they of course debunked right away. He was hauled off and charged with suspicion of drunk and disorderly conduct, and giving a fake identity.
• Oct. 1: At 8:26 p.m. in the 1000 block of Main police contacted a suspicious woman. The 39-year-old scofflaw had a bench warrant and when they searched her they allegedly found drugs and paraphernalia, which no doubt wasn’t hers, according to her.
• Oct. 1: At 2 p.m. police contacted a pair of citizens of the year at South Bay and Hwy 1. Logs indicated a 52-year-old guy and a 49-year-old gal were arrested on “narcotic related charges.” No word on how big of a stash they failed to stash.
• Sept. 30: Police are investigating a report of suspected elder abuse at an undisclosed location in town.
• Sept. 30: Someone turned in a wallet they found at Albertson’s Supermarket in the 700 block of Quintana, so probably not much money left inside. Someone else turned in a cell phone they found on Bonita Street.
• Sept. 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:50 p.m. in the 2100 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 40, was cited for a suspended license and sentenced to a fate worse than death at the DMV.
• Sept. 29: Police contacted an apparently unruly woman at 8:22 p.m. somewhere on Dunes Street. Logs indicated the battleaxe, 47, was arrested for suspicion of child endangerment, child abuse, resisting arrest and being stultified in public.
• Sept. 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:30 p.m. in the 1000 block of Embarcadero by Staxx Wine Bar. Logs indicated the driver, 48, was nicked for driving thick as a tick.
• Sept. 29: Police contacted yet another loose cannon at 4:30 pm. on Quintana at the Creek Bed Estates. This fellow, 33, had two bench warrants and got took to the hoosegow.
• Sept. 29: Police responded at 2:30 p.m. to the 2600 block of Elm for a disturbance. Logs indicated a 65-year-old mink was tossed in the clink for too much to drink, me think.
• Sept. 29: Police responded at 9:38 a.m. to a disturbance somewhere on Preston Lane. A 41-year-old lass was trashed for being stoned off her a**. In a strange coincidence, 2-hours earlier, police responded to the 1600 block of Preston Ln., for a home burglary report. No word on whether these are connected, but that might be the way to bet.
• Sept. 27: Police responded to a domestic disturbance at 8:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated police said a 33-year-old man was “the primary aggressor in a domestic incident.”
• Sept. 27: Police took a report of an expensive bicycle being stolen in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated they later caught a 31-year-old master criminal apparently riding it around like he owns it and he was arrested for grand theft.
• Sept. 24: For the second time in a week, police got a report of someone making criminal threats against the high school, the staff, teachers or students.
• Sept. 24: Today’s math lesson is a sad tale of neglect and loss. At Main and Quintana, police towed off a guy’s car after he got pulled over at 11:36 a.m. and they discovered he’d neglected a few DMV feedings, so mathematically we can express this as — “No license” + “No registration” = “No car.”
• Sept. 22: Police responded to Del Mar School on Sequoia for an alleged case of possible suspected child abuse.
• Sept. 23: Police responded at 7:34 a.m. to a minor traffic accident at Main and Atascadero Road, where a roundabout is to be constructed to supposedly prevent such fender-dentin’ blunders.
• Sept. 23: Police responded at 6:35 a.m. to a disturbance at Las Tunas and Kings. Logs indicated they arrested a 21-year-old apparent berserker for suspicion of resisting arrest, possession of a dirk-dagger, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of drugs, which explains a lot but excuses nothing.
• Sept. 22: Police responded at 6:26 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2000 block of Seaview. Logs indicated some mulish fool violated a stay-the-hell-away order.
• Sept. 22: Police responded at 2:42 p.m. to Del Mar School where they contacted and arrested a 28-year-old plod on a felony arrest warrant.
• Sept. 21: Police responded to check the welfare of an elderly woman, 71, in the 2600 block of Elm. Logs indicated she was taken to County Mental Health, as they deemed her “gravely disabled.”
• Sept. 21: Police responded at 11:34 a.m. to the 800 block of Main where someone said some brazen thief stole items out of his or her parked car, in broad daylight, right in the middle of Downtown.
• Sept. 21: Police responded at 11 a.m. to a report of a suspicious subject in the 600 block of Harbor. Logs indicated they contacted a 57-year old squit and nicked the hombre for suspicion of possessing drugs and paraphernalia in the parking lot of the town library.
• Sept. 21: Yet another offensive land vessel was pirated away by police, this time from the 900 block of Pacific, as it’d be nigh-on six month since the DMV beast ‘d been fed.
• Sept. 20: Police responded at 9 p.m. to the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated it involved a scam with the loss at over $300 and possible charges involve using fake ID and credit card to buy pornography. No Illuminasty have yet been arrested.
• Sept. 21: Police responded at 10 a.m. to a home in the 400 block of Arbutus, where a citizen said he or she had been receiving annoying and harassing phone calls from “an ex-significant other,” a case with a potentially significant charge that could significantly lead to significant actions and consequences of significance.
• Sept. 20: Police contacted a most wanted woman, 39, at 3:45 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. Logs indicated ol’ public enemy No. 2 had 12 bench warrants and got taken to the gallows.
• Sept. 20: Police contacted a regular customer at 1:30 a.m. in the 1700 block of Main. The 28-year-old scofflaw was nicked for one felony warrant and two pairs of bench warrants.
• Sept. 20: Police were tipped off at 7:45 a.m. of a high school student who “threatened the physical safety of the student body and staff at Morro Bay High School,” logs said. The suspect, a sophomore girl, was contacted, interviewed and arrested all before school started that morning.
• Sept. 19: Police responded to the 400 block of Harbor where someone reported being raped while they unconscious.
• Sept. 19: Police stopped a suspicious car at 6:46 p.m. in the 300 block of Tahiti for some undisclosed code violation. Logs indicated the driver, a 43-year-old woman, was nicked for suspicion of driving while stoned on illegal drugs, possession of drugs, and of course resisting arrest.
• Sept. 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle apparently speeding down the Embarcadero at 5:53 p.m. Logs indicated the driver, 31, was allegedly reckless driving and so the matter got turned over to the District Attorney’s Office for possible inaction.
• Sept. 18: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:17 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 27, actually got arrested and tossed into the dungeon for knowingly driving on a suspended license, which seems a tad harsh.