• Nov. 20: Police responded at 8:30 p.m. to the area of Embarcadero and Marina where some sinister scalawag stole a truck. Logs indicated police have no leads in the case.
• Nov. 20: Police responded at 6:44 p.m. to the 3200 block of Main for a reported attempted burglary of an apartment, as the gang that couldn’t shoot straight strikes again.
• Nov. 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 11:16 p.m. when all good children are in bed, at Main and Surf. A 64-year-old woman driver got nicked for suspicion of driving polluted.
• Nov. 19: Police responded at 2:31 a.m. to the 900 block of Morro to tow away an offensive vehicle whose owner hadn’t given the DMV its annual pound of flesh in over six months.
• Nov. 18: Police responded at 2 p.m. to the 500 block of Fresno after the Department of Justice requested they take a report for a lost firearm.
• Nov. 18: Police responded at 3:23 p.m. to a business in the 800 block of Main after some porch pirate stole packages left outside the door by a deliveryman.
• Nov. 17: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the highly suspect time of 11:21 p.m. at Main and Radcliff. A 33-year-old woman driver was tossed into the hoosegow for suspicion of driving schnookered.
• Nov. 17: Police responded at 4 p.m. to a disturbance in the 600 block of Bay. Logs indicated a 40-year-old felonious female was arrested for suspicion of felony domestic violence, felony elder abuse and “damaging a wireless communications device to prevent help.”
• Nov. 16: One of the town scofflaws was espied at 10 p.m. in the 500 block of Quintana. The 36-year-old apparent Moonraker had one felony and two misdemeanor warrants, and the judge will no doubt be happy to see him.
• Nov. 16: At 9:54 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana, police contacted one of their no doubt future hall of famers, 56, who had just one warrant. He was cited and released, soon to have two warrants.
• Nov. 16: Someone found a bicycle in the 800 block of Quintana and gave it to police to ride around.
• Nov. 15: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:20 p.m. at the Mobile Station in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 76-year-old fellow driving was arrested for suspicion of DUI, for as Confucius never said, “Best not to stop for gas when driving gassed.”
• Nov. 14: The San Luis Coastal Unified School District asked police to go to the 400 block of Arcadia and cite a kid for truancy, in today’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Nov. 14: Police responded at 11:42 a.m. to Miner’s Ace Hardware in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., after some apparently sticky-fingered Sleestak stole power tools.
• Nov. 13: At 1:12 p.m. police contacted a suspicious woman in the 800 block of Embarcadero. The 38-year-old apparent rabble-rouser got nicked for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia and engaging in a bit of nincompoopery. It was her second recent run-in with Johnny Law, as on Nov. 9 at 2:11 a.m. in the 1600 block of Main she got nicked on a bench warrant.
• Nov. 13: Police responded at 8:48 a.m. to Morro Rock for a reported crash-n-dash.
• Nov. 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:35 p.m. at Sicily and Tide. A 62-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of driving tight.
• Nov. 12: Some scamboogah vandalized an innocent car in the 600 block of Quintana.
• Nov. 12: Police responded at nearly midnight to the 1100 block of Main where presumably a woman said some apparent nodcock stole her purse.
• Nov. 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:04 a.m. in the 1400 block of Main. Logs indicated a 40-year-old schwasted fellow was tossed into the hoosegow for suspicion of driving stupid.
• Nov. 10: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10 p.m. in 1300 block of Main. A 36-year-old woman driver got nailed for allegedly driving hammered.
• Nov. 10: Police stopped another suspicious vehicle in the 600 block of Mo9rro Bay Blvd., at 1:15 a.m. The driver, 48, was taken to French Hospital for a bloodletting and then to County Jail to sleep it off.
• Nov. 9: Police contacted a suspicious fellow, 29, at 8 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. Logs indicated he was arrested for suspicion of the unholy trinity — possessing drugs and drug paraphernalia, and being skunked on drugs.
• Nov. 9: Police contacted a fellow at 9:08 p.m. at Albertson’s on Quintana. The 32-year-old squit had a bench warrant and was issued a new disappearance ticket and released.
• Nov. 9: Someone at Rite Aid on Quintana reported losing the license plate off his or her car and was sentenced to a life of misery at the DMV.
• Nov. 9: Police took a report of suspected child abuse on Napa Avenue and filed it with Child Protective Services.
• Nov. 8: Police contacted a 29-year-old suspicious fellow at 7 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. He had a bench warrant and was issued another citation and released to catch again another day.
• Nov. 8: At 1 p.m. police contacted another familiar fellow in the 600 block of Quintana. This model citizen, 30, had five bench warrants and was issued a future sixth and released.
• Nov. 7: At 2:40 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana, police cited and released a 40-year-old Rocket Man for alleged possession of illegal drugs.
• Nov. 7: Yet another wanted outlaw with a warrant was contacted at 9:47 a.m. in the 500 block of Monterey. He was cited and released, of course.