• Feb. 13: Police responded at 10:14 a.m. to Morro Dunes RV Park in the 1700 block of Embarcadero where they said several RVs had been burglarized on numerous occasions, apparently by the nefarious pixies living in the forest. Police returned at 11 p.m. for a report of a trespasser at the RV park by the beach but the interloper and, no doubt, pilfering nodcock had gone.
• Feb. 13: Someone in the 500 block of Embarcadero said his or her car got stolen, as apparently the tourist tax is levied once again.
• Feb. 13: Someone in the 2200 block of Emerald Cir. found something somewhere and gave it to some cop who’ll do something with it, but if someone doesn’t claim it in 30 days, it’s finders keepers.
• Feb. 13: Police at Morro Rock contacted an apparent victim in a domestic violence incident, but no crime report was written.
• Feb. 12: Vandalism was reported in the 600 block of Napa. A task force was not formed. A second vandalism case was reported in the 700 block of Quintana, and still no task force was formed despite the apparent crime wave sweeping the city.
• Feb. 11: Police in the 2000 block of Sunset reportedly found video equipment belonging to Morro Bay High School. The gear was apparently returned.
• Feb. 11: Police contacted a citizen in the 800 block of Market who’d reported a stolen vehicle.
• Feb. 10: Police responded at 11:52 p.m. to the 2600 block of Coral where a vehicle was being repossessed by a tow truck, apparently to keep the peace.
• Feb. 10: Police responded at 12:51 p.m. to the 500 block of Quintana where a 41-year-old woman “stole a can of dust removal spray” from Radio Shack and ran off after the apparent nillionaire was refused service. Police later caught up to the master criminal and cited her for suspicion of petty theft.
• Feb. 10: Two cars went boom at high noon at Pacific and Piney Way. No injuries reported.
• Feb. 9: The roundabout strikes again, as two cars went boom at 3:55 p.m. at the MBB-Quintana demolition derby circle of destruction.
• Feb. 9: Police responded to the nhc dispensary in the 400 lock of MBB where an apparent anarchist, 26, damaged their Charpoint Station electric vehicle charger. No word on if he got a charge out of it.
• Feb. 9: Police responded at 10:12 a.m. to Miner’s Hardware in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., where a 34-year-old sticky-fingered sneaky fellow was arrested for suspicion of shoplifting and check forgery.
• Feb. 9: Police contacted a regular customer at midnight at Coleman Drive and Embarcadero. The 25-year-old woman had a FTA warrant and was issued a second disappearance ticket and released back into the wilds.
• Feb. 8: Police contacted a 27-year-old man at 3:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana who had nine outstanding bench warrants. The scofflaw went to the hoosegow where the judge will surely be glad to see him, and welcome him with open arms.
• Feb. 8: Police contacted a regular Yosemite Sam, 37, at 9:42 a.m. in the 800 block of Quintana. He was taken to jail despite just one misdemeanor warrant.
• Feb. 8: Police responded at 8:43 a.m. to the 800 block of Quintana. Logs said a 41-year-old, known suspect, allegedly burgled Chuck’s Towing.
• Feb. 7: Police espied a 45-year-old woman at 9:54 p.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. She had a failure to appear warrant and so naturally was issued a second one and released.
• Feb. 7: Police responded to a burglar alarm at 5:59 a.m. at the high school in the 200 block of Atascadero Road. At 10:30 a.m. they arrested a local transient man, 20, for allegedly burglarizing the high school and other charges, no doubt setting a new record for quickest crime solving in these parts.
• Feb. 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5 a.m. at Main and MBB. The driver, 25, was cited for suspicion of reckless driving and released.
• Jan. 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:11 p.m. at Harbor and Monterey. A 40-year-old woman driver was cited and released for the unholy trinity — no license, no registration and no insurance — consequently she has no car, as it was hauled to impound.
• Jan. 30: Police responded at 5:18 p.m. to a disturbed fellow causing a ruckus in the 400 block of Quintana. A 36-year-old annoying flesh monkey was tossed into the pokey for suspicion of being stultified in public.
• Jan. 30: Police contacted a regular customer at 3:36 p.m. in the 300 block of Surf. A 68-year-old lady squit was issued a “Notice to Appear” citation for a “Failure to Appear” bench warrant, as the cult of idiocracy strikes again.
• Jan. 30: Police responded to the 400 block of Morro Bay Blvd., where some fellow said that while he was riding his bike up the Boulevard, a woman driving a black truck “pointed a firearm at him,” according to the logs. Police deemed the matter “unfounded.”
• Jan. 30: Police were called at 10:46 a.m. to Rocky’s Teen Center, 231 Atascadero Rd., where an apparent miscreant got into a fight with another hooligan. Logs indicated one of the little darlings “started to smash things.”
• Jan. 30: Police responded at 4:53 a.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Rockview. An apparently upset fellow, 59, was taken for a 72-hour chill-out at Sierra Vista Hospital.
• Jan. 29: Someone abandoned a car in the 600 block of Fresno Ave., which might be normal in Fresno, but in Morro Bay, the fuzz sends out the wrecker.
• Jan. 27: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the highly suspect time of 11:18 p.m. at Bernardo and MBB. While we might expect the worst at that time of night, the driver, 63, could only be got for a suspended license.
• Jan. 27: Police responded to Anchor where some pastor “wanted to relay information of possible rape that occurred within the city,” according to logs.
• Jan. 26: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at Shasta and Harbor, not where one should be at 11:41 p.m. The driver, 37, got cited and released for suspicion of driving deep in his cups.
• Jan. 26: Police responded at 5 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana where a citizen reported being assaulted by a 56-year-old local scamboogah. A report was sent to the district attorney, so he’s in trouble now.
• Jan. 26: Police reportedly found a 25-year-old man who was reported missing, apparently safe and sound.
• Jan. 26: Police responded to the Harbor Office where someone had surrendered a deadly weapon. Police took possession of the pellet rifle making the world safer for seagulls and pigeons.
• Jan. 26: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:15 a.m. heading north on Hwy 1. A 22-year-old rookie was slapped with suspicion of driving spanked.
• Jan. 25: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 8:47 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. The 54-year-old driver had a bench warrant and was cited and released, and no doubt praising the Lord that he wasn’t buzzed.
• Jan. 25: Police responded at 11 a.m. to the 2200 block of Nutmeg for a report of a trespasser. Logs indicated the homeowner returned home to find a known man, who’s apparently some kind of ne’er-do-well, “walking down his driveway.”
• Jan. 24: Police responded at 3:41 p.m. to a traffic collision at Main and Hwy 1. There were apparently no serious injuries but no further juicy details were available.
• Jan. 24: Police noted the violation of a stay-the-hell-away court order that apparently occurred at the high school.
• Jan. 24: At 11:13 a.m. police in the 300 block of Embarcadero recovered a vehicle reported stolen out of Santa Maria. The thieves apparently got away.
• Jan. 24: A man came to the police station and handed in some ammunition he was aiming to be rid of.
