• March 13: Police responded at 9:06 p.m. to the 800 block of Embarcadero where some scalawags dined-n-dashed at the Port House.
• March 13: Police were called regarding a suspicious subject outside Albertson’s Market at 9 p.m. Logs indicated a 29-year-old squit was apparently being a pest. Police arrested the apparent persona non-grata for suspicion of trespassing.
• March 13: At 8:11 p.m. police contacted another suspicious fellow in the 400 bock of Quintana. The 35-year-old dude had a bench warrant and was issued another disappearance ticket and released.
• Mach 12: Police contacted yet another suspected swizzle stick out at 1:20 a.m. at Main and Harbor. The 29-year-old fellow was cited because he had a previous citation for which he’d failed to appear and now the judge wanted a word with him, fat chance of that!
• March 10: Police responded to the 300 block of Fairview for a theft report. Logs indicated a firearm was lost approximately 20-years ago, and was apparently not missed until now.
• March 10: Police responded at noon to the 1000 block of Allesandro to speak with a citizen who said they’d had words with someone who’d vandalized their fence, so fences don’t always make for good neighbors.
• March 9: Police responded to the 400 block of Bonita where a citizen said he or she had lost $3,200 in an email scam, as the Nigerian Prince strikes again.
• March 9: Police received a tip that a certain 50-year-old scofflaw with an expired license was driving a car in the 3300 block of Beachcomber Dr., at 9 a.m. Police stopped the scoundrel and he was cited and released but his car was impounded at Chuck’s Towing.
• March 9: At 7:45 a.m. police stopped a suspicious car at Toro Creek Road and Hwy 1. Logs indicated the driver, 53, was arrested for suspicion of possession of drugs for sale and possession of a glass crack pipe, no doubt for free samples.
• March 8: Police got a report that a missing person had been found apparently safe if not entirely sound.
• March 8: A woman came to the station to report that she’d been raped in Los Osos. Police referred her to the Sheriff’s Department.
• March 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:46 a.m. on Hwy 1 at MBB. Logs indicated the driver had a suspended license so they cited him and arrested his car.
• March 7: Police contacted a 52-year-old fellow at 10:30 p.m. in the 900 block of Embarcadero. He had several bench warrants and was put out of our misery.
• March 7: Police responded to a business in the 1200 block of Embarcadero where a citizen had some gas cans and a fuel tank stolen sometime over the weekend, which was no doubt Putin’s fault, too.
• March 7: Police responded to the 1700 block of Embarcadero for a report of a stolen bicycle. No clues as to the master criminal responsible.
• March 7: A citizen came to the police station to report that some unknown pilferer stole his clothes and that’s the naked truth.
• March 7: Police responded to the 400 block of Quintana for a report of stolen catalytic converters by some unknown fiend.
• March 7: A 41-year-old woman who had an arrest warrant came to the police station apparently to turn herself in. She was of course cited and released again.
• March 7: Police responded to a reported fire at 7:24 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 51-year-old apparent firebug was arrested and charged with suspicion of arson — “causing a fire of structure/forest/land.”
• March 6: Police responded to Rite Aid at 10:30 a.m. for a report of a shoplifting that had just occurred. Police are looking for the usual suspects, as they have no leads.
• March 6: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the 1100 block of West St. where some annoying flesh monkey deleted two Apple laptop computers and two purses from inside an unlocked house.
• March 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:22 a.m. somewhere on Quintana Road. The law caught up to a 25-year-old suspected lawbreaker and he was booked into County Jail on suspicion of driving on more hooch than the law allows.
• March 5: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:30 a.m. in the 1800 block of Ironwood. Logs indicated a 37-year-old woman was nicked for suspicion of violating a stay-the-hell-away order.
• March 4: Police contacted an 18-year-old apparently lubricated lass at 10:18 p.m. at Main and Nassau. She was cited for suspicion of getting spanked in public and released to a sober friend, spared the Hwy 1 morning walk of shame.
• March 4: At 1:08 p.m. MBPD officers assisted the Highway Patrol and County Sheriffs “with apprehending suspects involved in a suspected auto theft from Los Osos,” as the Dudley Do-Rights triumph again.
• March 3: Police caught up to a familiar fellow, 51, at 9:40 p.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. He had a bench warrant, was cited with a second and released to catch another day.
• March 3: Police responded to the high school where a student’s vehicle was vandalized while he was in class. Police reportedly have no leads but you can bet everyone at school knows who done it.
• Mach 3: Police responded at 4:10 p.m. to Pacific Premiere Bank in the 800 block of the Boulevard, where some vandal vandalized the ATM machine, no doubt another satisfied customer.
• March 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:21 p.m. in the 100 block of Bolton. Logs indicated the driver, 30, had a suspended license for a previous DUI and he was cited and released but his car was arrested, which hardly seems fair.
• March 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:15 p.m. in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd. A 37-year-old knucklehead was knocked up for suspicion of possessing brass knuckles.
• March 2: Police stopped a reportedly speeding vehicle at 4:14 p.m. in the 100 block of Bayshore Dr. Logs indicated the lead foot, 54, had a suspended license and was cited for that, his car somehow escaping arrest and the speeding apparently forgiven.
• March 2: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 7:33 a.m. in the 1800 block of Main. The 36-year-old mope was nicked for suspicion of being high on dope.
• March 1: Police responded at 9:34 p.m. to the first block of State Park Road for a reported assault and apparently walked into a family feud. Logs indicated a 29-year-old mulish fellow was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence, violating a stay-away court order, and child endangerment. A 23-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of child endangerment as well. No word on what became of the endangered child.
• March 1: At 3:30 p.m. police contacted a suspicious woman in the 100 block of Bolton. The 29-year-old scofflaw had three bench warrants, was issued a fourth and released back into the wild.
• Feb. 28: At 6:12 p.m. police responded to the 800 block of Napa where Sheriff’s deputies later arrested a 27-year-old fellow for allegedly boosting a car.
• Feb. 28: A Morro Bay High student said someone stole his or her jacket and backpack, which shouldn’t surprise, as it’s the Home of the Pirates, not the Angels.