• May 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:10 p.m. in the 1000 block of Monterey. The woman driver, 37, was arrested for suspicion of cruising a bit tight.
• May 8: A citizen in the 200 block of Capri St., said his or her catalytic converter had been swiped by some unknown mamaluke.
• May 8: Police located a suspicious fellow, 29, at 12:11 a.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd., and arrested the little lizard for suspicion of getting slizzard on drugs.
• May 7: Police responded to a disturbance at 10 p.m. in the 100 block of Bayshore Dr. Logs indicated a 65-year-old apparently crankypated woman was arrested for resisting arrest.
• May 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:07 p.m. in the 400 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the 78-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of driving zosted.
• May 7: Police responded at 6:52 p.m. to the 1100 block of Scott where some apparent would-be thief had vandalized the front door of the Bear Metal Kustoms Inc., hot rod shop.
• May 6: police responded at 9:12 p.m. to a disturbance in the 900 block of Carmel. Logs indicated an apparently upset subject was placed on a 72-hour timeout, determined to be a danger to themselves. It was the second call out for the same subject, who the previous day was reportedly suicidal, but apparently not enough so to take in at that time.
• May 6: Police responded at 6:18 p.m. to a report of an 83-year-old woman who left paradise for Heaven.
• May 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1:08 p.m. in the 1100 block of Main. Logs indicated the fellow driving, 26, was “knowingly driving on a suspended license,” so the scofflaw was cited and released, presumably on foot.
• May 5: Police responded at 1:40 p.m. to the 1000 block of Front St., for a car crash. No report on the extent of the carnage or lack of.
• May 3: Police responded to the 2800 block of Juniper for a fraud report. Logs indicated the loss was a painful $15,000 and police have no leads outside no doubt the usual suspects.
• May 4: Police responded at 3:10 p.m. to a car crash in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. No injuries reported.
• May 4: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 26, at 2:45 p.m. in the 1400 block of Main. The nefarious she Devil, 26, was hauled to Hades for a felony warrant.
• May 4: At 8:55 a.m. police contacted a slippery fellow, 42, in the 900 block of Piney Way who had a bench warrant. The judge apparently really wanted to see him because he went to the hoosegow.
• May 4: Police contacted a suspicious trio of scruffy Philistines at 12:13 a.m. in the 300 block of Surf. A 34-year-old woman had a pair of little warrants and was issued another ticket and released. A 29-year-old man was allegedly in possession of illegal drugs and was also cited and released And a 49-year-old fellow had out-of-county warrants but was also cited and released, none apparently worth the gas money to haul to County Jail.
• May 3: Police towed off an offensive car parked in the 1700 block of Embarcadero for expired tags, a hanging offense in Califreakornia.
• May 2: Another offensive parked car was towed from the Rite Aid parking lot in the 700 block of Quintana.
• May 2: Morro Bay High School reported vandalism. No word on the hooligan responsible, though the whole school probably knows.
• May 2: Police contacted another apparent slugabed at 8 a.m. at Main and Sicily, with a felony warrant. He was checked into the Parkinson Plaza to await the slings and arrows of Lady Justice.
• May 1: Police responded at 9:30 p.m. to the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for a reported assault. Logs indicated a 27-year-old woman said she got hosed down with pepper spray by a 27-year-old apparent ruffian battleaxe. A crime report was sent to the District Attorney, so she’s in trouble now!
• May 1: Police responded at 6:44 p.m. to the 500 block of Kings where a 57-year-old man and his dog said they were attacked by his neighbor’s apparently disagreeable mutts.
• May 1: At 5 p.m. police contacted a familiar foe at Morro and Pacific. The scofflaw, 36, had two bench warrants and was arrested, but the little fish was later released to catch another day.
• April 30: Police contacted a wanted fellow, 53, at 8:18 p.m. at Dunes and Napa. The model citizen had two bench warrants and was handed a third and released to go forth and sin no more.
• April 29: Police contacted a pair of suspicious chaps at 11:30 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. One of the apparent swagmen, 38, had two bench warrants and was given another disappearance ticket and released. His ne’er-do-well partner in mischief, 51, didn’t fare so well, as he had a felony warrant and was outfitted with steel bracelets. And when he was frisked, they allegedly found illegal drugs and several credit cards in other people’s names, so Otis’ got some esplainin’ to do.
• April 29: A good citizen gave police some items they’d found — a silver ring and lipstick — which whoever lost them no doubt thought they could kiss good-bye.
• April 29: Police responded at 2:50 p.m. to a car crash in the 600 block of Shasta. No juicy details were available.
• April 29: Police received a report at 1:50 a.m. of a reckless driver on Hwy 1. Officers reportedly stopped the suspected lead foot, 61, and slammed on his brakes.
• April 29: Police responded to Albertson’s at 12:23 p.m. where someone said their innocent car was vandalized.
• April 28: Police responded at 1:20 p.m. to Rose’s Landing in the 700 block of Embarcadero for a reported petty theft. No word on if it was a dine-n-dash or some other dastardly act.
• April 28: Police responded to the 300 block of Dunbar where someone stole body armor.
• April 26: Police noted that the San Luis Coastal School District had asked them to cite a high school student for truancy, as another name gets added to the Dean’s list.
• April 26: Police responded at 4:38 p.m. to Market and Harbor for a disturbing fellow. The hombre, 27, was nicked for suspicion of being butt-toasted in public.
• April 26: A citizen in the 800 block of Napa said some scoundrel stole items out of their parked car.
• April 26: Police contacted a 17-year-old boy at 3:48 p.m. in the 300 block of Dunbar and arrested the juvenile delinquent for suspicion of battery.
• April 26: A citizen in the 3100 block of Coral reported a home burglary. No word on what booty was pinched.
• April 25: Police responded at 10:17 p.m. to Southbound Hwy 1 and Hill Plant Road for a reported hit-n-split at Dog Beach. Earlier, at 10 p.m. there was a smash-n-dash on Marina Street.
• April 25: Police responded at 4 p.m. to the 800 block of Main for a disturbance at Legend’s Tavern. A 37-year-old stultified fellow was nicked for allegedly being schwasted in public, as even duct tape can’t fix stupid.
• April 25: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 10:35 a.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. The apparent squit, 35, was cited and released for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia, his stash no doubt hidden where the sun don’t shine and the cops won’t search.
• April 25: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the 800 block of Shasta where someone found a suspicious, unknown substance. Police booked it for destruction, as it apparently wasn’t the cure for cancer.