• June 25: Police contacted a suspicious sailor at 3:38 p.m. tacking along the 1700 block of Main. The 41-year-old swabby was allegedly three sheets to the wind and got Shanghai’d on a one-way voyage to the brig.
• June 25: At 10:40 a.m. at Beach and Morro, police stopped a suspicious vehicle for some undisclosed violation. The 34-year-old driver had three bench warrants and a suspended license. The dingus went to jail for his lack of judgment.
• June 23: Police responded to the 700 block of Morro Ave., where someone found an electric kick scooter apparently abandoned, and in 30 days it’s finder’s keepers.
• June 23: At 12:07 p.m. in the 700 block of Harbor police contacted a suspicious subject. Logs indicated the case involved possession of over an ounce of weed, drug paraphernalia of course being stoned in public. It did not indicate if anyone was arrested, nor for whom the bell tolled.
• June 23: Police were called to a disturbance at 9:34 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. A 41-year-old cranky-pants juice weasel was nicked for suspicion of being drunk & disorderly.
• June 23: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:12 a.m. in the 1700 block of Main. The driver couldn’t show proof of insurance and the registration was expired, so police arrested the car, which hardly seems fair to the car.
• June 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1:23 a.m. on Elena at Birch. A 30-year-old fellow was snatched away to the Parkinson Plaza for suspicion of driving half cut at the wheel.
• June 21: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:30 p.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the driver, 40, had a suspended license, and was stuck in jail.
• June 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:07 p.m. at Beach and Main. A 66-year-old woman was cited and released on suspicion of driving zonked.
• June 20: Police contacted a repeat customer raising hell at 5:34 p.m. in the 1700 block of Main. The 40-year-old hombre was swatted for being spanked and unruly in public and was put out of our misery in County Jail.
• June 20: Police responded to the 500 block of Napa for a report of “unrecognized activity regarding taxes,” let’s hope not an overdue refund.
• June 19: Police responded at 11 p.m. to a disturbance the 400 block of South Bay Blvd. A 32-year-old woman was arrested for violating a stay-the-hell-away order and her probationary promise to be good.
• June 19: Police responded to a domestic disturbance at 9:39 p.m. in the 2600 block of Greenwood. Logs indicated a 31-year-old male “physically assaulted his girlfriend with a door frame,” reads the narrative. He then allegedly made “criminal threats” as he fled the scene, “causing her to fear for her safety.” A crime report was begun and arrests are no doubt imminent.
• June 19: Police responded at 9:08 p.m. to the 600 block of Bella Vista for a report of hooligan juveniles peeping into the window of an inhabited house. No arrests as the knaves apparently vanished in the darkness.
• June 18: Police responded at 8 p.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where some apparently unhappy camper took it out on his poor suffering wife, causing “visible injury” to his better half. The louse, 65, went to the big house for alleged abuse of his spouse.
• June 18: Police contacted an apparent unwelcomed humanicus dooficus at 5:15 p.m. in a business plaza in the 800 block of Quintana. Logs indicated police cited the interloper for suspicion of trespassing then let go the schmoe.
• June 18: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3:41 p.m. in the 1100 block of Main. Logs indicated the hombre, 40, had a bench warrant and police cited him and let him go, apparently to catch another day.
• June 18: Police responded to a disturbance in the 900 block of Main at 10:12 a.m., which would seem a bit early to be fit-shaced. The 34-year-old stultified dragon was sent to the dungeon for alleged D&D and trespassing.
• June 18: Police contacted a familiar fellow at 10:10 a.m. in the 400 block of Morro Bay Blvd. He had a bench warrant and was cited and released with a future second FTA. On the other hand, about 10 minutes before Mr. Wonderful got his due, a 39-year-old woman at the same location was contacted. She had five bench warrants and so police checked her into the Iron Bar Hotel.
• June 18: Police responded at 12:05 a.m. to a reported aggravated assault in the 900 block of Main. According to logs, a 61-year-old ruffian, who is “in a married relationship with the victim” smacked said victim across the face “causing red swelling, which was visible,” according to logs. Police threw the violently vile villain into the hoosegow for suspicion of spousal abuse.
• June 17: At 9:45 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana police rounded up a 52-year-old model citizen with a felony arrest warrant and tossed him into the pokey where such cretins belong.
• June 16: Police contacted a swizzle stick stirring up trouble at 6:37 p.m. in the 800 block of Main. Logs indicated a 44-year-old Mamaluke was nicked for suspicion of being blotto where the tourists can see him.
• June 16: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3 p.m. at State Park Road and South Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the driver, 31, was nicked for suspicion of driving on a toot.
• June 16: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 11:30 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana apparently at the Creek Bed Estates. The 40-year-old hype was arrested on suspicion of possessing methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia and tossed into the gaol.
• June 16: At 9:35 a.m. police contacted another model citizen, 54, in the Creek Bed Estates on Quintana Road and he was cited and released on one bench warrant, ‘cause here they throw back the little ones.
• June 16: Police responded at 9 a.m. to Rite Aid on Quintana for a reported shoplifter, apparently in custody. Logs indicated a 22-year-old sticky-fingered woman was charged with suspicion of grand theft for having stolen more than $950 worth of merchandise, as apparently her math skills ain’t up to snuff.
• June 15: Police responded at 7:34 p.m. to Harbor and Napa for a reported hit-n-split. Logs indicated a driver backed a black Honda Element into a parked white Lexus and then hit the gas without waiting around to exchange insurance info (she no doubt didn’t have none).
• June 15: A little after 1 p.m. police contacted a regular customer, 30, somewhere on Main Street who had five bench warrants. Naturally, they issued him another disappearance ticket, as he was apparently not worth the gas to drive to jail.
• June 15: Must be summer… Someone turned in a cell phone they found somewhere on the beach. Police have it now.
• June 15: Police contacted a repeat customer, 65, at 9:47 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana no doubt by the soon-to-be Creekside Bungalows. She had eight bench warrants but according to logs, she went to jail because she was allegedly numb ‘n dumb with rum.
• June 15: Someone reported something they found somewhere in the 700 block of Quintana and no doubt abandoned by some nillionaire squit. Earlier at 3 a.m. police came across a motorcycle in the same area of Quintana and towed it away because the DMV hadn’t been fed in over 6 months, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• June 13: At 9:09 p.m. police responded to a drunken disturbance in the 1000 block of Main. Logs indicated they hooked up a 22-year-old borracho and tossed his culito into el carcel.
• June 14: Some petty thief committed petty theft in the 600 block of Piney Way and a task force will no doubt be formed to find the scoundrel.
• June 14: Police contacted a suspicious subject in the 300 block of Embarcadero at 6:12 a.m., and the 51-year-old night owl (early bird?) was nicked for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia, which might explain why he was creepin’ about at that hour.
• June 13: Police responded at 1:30 p.m. to the 600 block of Morro Bay Blvd. for a reported theft. Logs indicated a 40-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of second degree (strong arm) robbery; and a 26-year-old woman was caught allegedly shoplifting. He went to the hoosegow but she was cited and released, in yet another example of a two-tiered justice system at play.
• June 13: Police responded at 5:10 a.m. to a report of a deceased subject in the 700 block of Pacific.