• Aug. 13: Police responded to the beach area at Atascadero Road and Embarcadero where two people said some dirty rotten scalawag broke into their locked cars and ripped them off, no doubt redefining “a day at the beach.”
• Aug. 13: Police responded to a disturbance at noon in the 400 block of Bonita. Logs indicated they took someone away for a 72-hour mental health timeout.
• Aug. 12: Police responded at 8:34 p.m. to a car crash in the 200 block of Harbor. Logs indicated a 58-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of driving smashed.
• Aug. 11: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 4:15 p.m. in the 800 block of Shasta. Logs indicated the lass was stoned off her a** and she crashed at ol’ Uncle Ian’s place. It was her second run-in with the law on the same day. At 6:30 a.m. the same Cinderella, 48, was at City Park raising Caine. She was nicked for suspicion of disorderly conduct, possessing paraphernalia and being stoned on drugs.
• Aug. 11: Police responded at 2:49 p.m. to Beachcomber and Mindoro for a smoosh-the-caboose collision. Logs indicated one driver fled the scene without giving insurance information a hanging offense in this day and age.
• Aug. 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:30 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the driver had a bench warrant and was issued another, the vehicle code violation apparently forgotten.
• Aug. 10: At 5:30 p.m. police responded to a no doubt hairy crack-up at South Bay and Hwy 1. No injuries were reported.
• Aug. 10: At 2:54 p.m. police responded to a disturbance in the 2500 block of Greenwood. Logs indicated some upset citizen was deemed a danger to himself and was taken away for a few spa days.
• Aug. 10: Police responded at 2:14 p.m. to a car crash at Hwy 1 and Yerba Buena. No injuries were reported.
• Aug. 10: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:49 a.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. Logs indicated they arrested a 47-year-old woman for suspicion of abusing her domestic partner leaving a visible injury.
• Aug. 9: Police took a missing person report that someone at the stationhouse reported.
• Aug. 9: Police responded to a traffic collision at 10:56 a.m. in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., right outside the police station.
• Aug. 9: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 4:44 p.m. at Elena and Main. The scofflaw, 52, had a bench warrant. She was issued a new court date to ignore and released.
• Aug. 9: Someone found a phone and turned it in at the fire station on Harbor Street. Firefighters gave it to police.
• Aug. 9: Police investigated and deemed unfounded a reported sexual assault made by an elderly woman with dementia.
• Aug. 7: A citizen in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., reported a scam and the painful loss of $7,800, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Aug. 7: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 1:48 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 47-year-old was cited and released for suspicion of possessing an allegedly illegal glass crack pipe, her stash had apparently already gone poof!
• Aug. 6: Police espied a suspicious woman at 11:30 a.m. in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 40-year-old beauty queen had warrants and was of course cited once again for good measure and released.
• Aug. 5: Police contacted a suspicious swizzle stick at 10:23 p.m. swirling around the 300 block of MBB. Logs indicated the model citizen, 34, was nicked for suspicion of being stoned on illegal drugs and possession of drug paraphernalia, his stash apparently already devoured.
• Aug. 5: Police responded at 7 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1000 block of Morro. A 73-year-old mutt was tossed into the pound for suspicion of being bent in public.
• Aug. 5: Someone turned in a wallet they found somewhere in town belonging to an unknown someone, who lost it sometime before it was found.
• Aug. 5: Police responded at 8 a.m. to the 400 block of Rennel where a woman said a family friend entered her room and tried to climb into her bed. Logs indicated police determined the allegation was unfounded, because sometimes a ham sandwich is really baloney.
• Aug. 5: Some ignoramus scoundrel vandalized a City bench on Coleman Drive at the Embarcadero.
• Aug. 4: Police responded at 3:34 p.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 26-year-old apparently unwelcomed plod was booked into County Jail for suspicion of trespassing.
• Aug. 2: Police responded at 9:48 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana where a 38-year-old apparent swagman said he’d been shot in the leg while down in the Creek Bed Estates behind Burger King. Logs indicated the taradiddling fellow wasn’t shot but instead tripped and fell on his arse causing a 1-inch cut to his left shin.
• Aug. 3: Police contacted a suspicious man at 2:23 a.m. in the 800 block of Morro. Logs indicated he had a bench warrant and was cited with a second disappearance ticket and released, in this game of cat-and-mouse we play.
• Aug. 2: Some graffidiot tagged something at City Park, though it is hoped it wasn’t that new, beautiful and very expensive bus stop.
• Aug. 2: Police responded at 12:36 p.m. to the 2700 block of Dogwood for an abandoned car that turned out to be a stolen vehicle. It was seized by police and towed to the bone yard.
• Aug. 1: Police responded at 10:28 a.m. to a business in the 600 block of Embarcadero where they’d apparently snatched up a sticky-fingered woman, 34, in the process of using the help-yourself line. She was booked for suspicion of shoplifting.
• Aug. 1: Police caught up to a 36-year-old man at 7:10 p.m. at Hwy 1 and Yerba Buena. Logs indicated the louse was nicked for suspicion of abusing his spouse and got tossed in the big house.
• July 31: Police responded at 9:19 p.m. to the 300 block of Jamaica for a report of suspected child abuse. No arrest was made.
• July 31: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 2:19 p.m. in the 1100 block of Front St. who was apparently causing some sort of hoo-ha-ha. The 26-year-old tempest was nicked for suspicion of being schnockered in public, for as you know, the nail that sticks out gets hammered.