Morro Bay Police Blotter 5-20-21

• May 9: Police contacted a foolish man at 11:09 p.m. being a pest at Albertson’s. The scofflaw, 43, had a warrant, which led to a search, which resulted in his arrest for the unholy trinity — suspicion of being stoned, possessing drugs and dug paraphernalia.
• May 9: Police contacted a wanted man, 49, at 10:25 p.m. at Lila Keiser Park. He was imprisoned for a felony warrant.
• May 9: Police responded at 1:48 p.m. to a car crash in the 2700 block of Main. No apparent injuries were reported but the cars will never be the same.
• May 9: Police were called at 8:15 a.m. to the 800 block of Napa where a citizen told them he or she had scared off a would-be thief trying to break into their truck. The rascal left behind his bicycle when he fled, like the scoundrel he must surely be.
• May 9: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:32 a.m. at Main and Beach, the very heart of the danger zone. The 23-year-old lady driver was nicked for suspicion of driving tight.
• May 8: Police stopped a vehicle at 9:36 p.m. at Main and Quintana for some code violation. The driver, 29, reportedly admitted to police that his license was suspended for a prior DUI, so they took him downtown where they cited and then released him, but at least he was apparently sober, this time.
• May 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:30 p.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. The driver, 50, was taken to the woodshed for suspicion of driving swilled.
• May 8: Police no doubt thought they had another live one at 7 p.m. at Main and Bonita, but they could only cite the driver, 56, for a suspended license, good for about 10 days in the pokey before the COVID early release program.
• May 8: Police at the stationhouse arrested a 50-year-old apparent ruffian for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, domestic violence and possession of methamphetamine, which explains a lot but excuses nothing.
• May 8: Police responded at 9:45 a.m. to the storage yard in the 1600 block of Embarcadero where two different people said tools had been stolen out of their sheds. According to logs, all the missing tools were later located somewhere on the property, which seems damned peculiar.
• May 7: Police responded to a disturbance call at 10:05 p.m. in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated a 36-year-old raucous juice weasel had a few too many and allegedly committed assault with a deadly weapon; vandalism with over $400 in damages; and drunk and disorderly conduct. He was taken to County Jail to sit for a portrait.
• May 7: The carousel stopped at City Park at 4:30 p.m. where a 33-year-old lady scofflaw with five bench warrants was given her sixth.
• May 7: Two cars went boom at 1:17 p.m. at Piney Way and Harbor, a dastardly 4-way stop intersection. No word on the carnage done.
• May 7: A citizen in the 800 block of Monterey said some brazen porch pirate stole a package right off his doorstep.
• May 7: Two more cars collided, this time at 1:17 p.m. in the 900 block of Embarcadero, as safe driving is apparently the latest victim of COVID.
• May 7: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 10:52 a.m. by the beach in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the 54-year-old model citizen was nicked for suspicion of possessing meth. He got cited and released to go replenish his stash.
• May 6: At 11:09 p.m. police contacted another regular customer at Lila Keiser Park who had a warrant. The rube, 51, was cited for a bench warrant and released with a solemn promise to appear next time.
• May 6: At 5 p.m. police contacted two likely suspects at Albertson’s regarding vandalism at McDonald’s. The shinning examples were determined to be plastered and had arrest warrants, too , and so were treated to a night in the County B&B.
• May 6: A citizen in the 500 block of San Joaquin showed police where someone had smashed the window of his car and stole $85 in cash. Police don’t have any leads, but it’s good to call, because you should never bow before hyenas.
• May 5: Police contacted a suspicious man at 9 p.m. in the 200 block of beach. The slapdash fellow, 50, was cited for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs.
• May 5: Police contacted some bonehead, 51, at 8:30 p.m. in the 1700 block of Main who had a felony invitation from a judge. He was skipped off to ma-loo.
• May 5: Police responded at 9:30 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Embarcadero. A 57-year-old buttered fellow was arrested for being toasted.
• May 5: Police contacted a man at 2:30 p.m. in the 500 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 46-year-old master criminal was arrested for suspicion of being high on drugs, possessing drugs and drug paraphernalia and also for nine outstanding warrants, as ol’ Lady Justice finally cast off the blindfold with this guy.
• May 5: Police responded to a reported burglary in the 1000 block of Front St.
• May 4: Police documented a report of suspected child abuse in the 900 block of Pacific Street.
• May 4: Police responded to the 400 block of Quintana where someone found a syringe loaded with a clear substance that tested positive for methamphetamine. The poison was booked for destruction. As for the junkie that fixed it, no arrests were made.
• May 4: Someone in the 1500 block of Main reported a vehicle theft, but it turned out to apparently just be late getting home.
• May 4: Police were called at 10:10 a.m. to City Park where a fellow said some scoundrel stole his electric bike. Police located the e-bike and the e-thief a short distance away at Piney and Harbor. The alleged thief was arrested and the e-bike returned to the victim, and the caze is sol-ved!
• May 4: Police at 8:36 a.m. served a wake-up call at Lila Keiser Park where they roused one 28-year-old slugabed who was allegedly already stoned on drugs and for having an illegal dirk or dagger (knife). A 62-year man was also arrested for several outstanding warrants. They shared a cab to the hoosegow.
• May 3: Police responded to Lila Keiser Park at 6:24 p.m. where a 21-year-old disturbed woman was creating a disturbance. Logs indicated she was given a 72-hour timeout at French Hospital.
• May 3: Police were no doubt surprised when a 30-year-old woman walked into the police station and confessed to a carjacking in Santa Maria. Officers called Santa Maria Police who confirmed her story and asked that she be arrested and turned over to them. Logs indicated they drove her to the Five Cities area where a prisoner exchange was made and she went home to face the music.
• May 3: Someone in the 1700 block of Embarcadero reported a theft. Logs indicated there was insufficient evidence, which doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
• May 3: A citizen in the 2500 block of Juniper Ave., said some swine stole a letter and package out of his or her mailbox.
• May 3: Police took a report of attempted burglary in the 900 block of Main and sent the report to the district attorney’s office for potential prosecution.
• May 3: Police responded to a trespasser call at 10:24 a.m. at the nhc cannabis store in the 400 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated a 53-year-old man was refusing to leave the store and threatening the security guards and the budtenders. He allegedly threatened to kill them, police said, and wound up allegedly assaulting a security guard, which is never a good idea. He was subdued and arrested on suspicion of making criminal threats, assault, and trespassing and booked into the cooler to chill, another apparent casualty of the war on drugs.
• May 3: Someone broke into a car parked at the Inn at Morro Bay and extracted the local tourist tax.
• May 3: Petty larceny was reported in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. Police have no clues in this bit of pettifoggery.
• May 2: Police contacted an apparent Duke of Haphazard acting a fool at 9:15 p.m. at Albertson’s Market on Quintana Rd. The 28-year-old Mamaluke was cited and released for allegedly being high on illegal drugs.
• May 2: Police responded to a disturbance at 1:16 a.m. in the 800 block of Main. A 32-year-old bent fellow was arrested for suspicion of resisting arrest and drunk in public and suffered intoxifornication.
• May 2: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 12:33 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. The 60-year-old scofflaw had four bench warrants and was also nicked for alleged possession of drugs and a crack pipe.
• May 1: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 7 p.m. in City Park on Harbor Street. Logs indicated the apparent street yob, 29, had a bench warrant and was cited and released with another disappearance ticket.
• May 1: Police responded at 5:33 p.m. to the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for a public accident report. A big branch fell off a City street tree outside Mike’s Barbershop hitting some poor guy’s parked car and damaging it. Police documented the arboreal assault for the insurance claim to come.
• May 1: Police responded to a car crash at 1:04 p.m. at Pacific and Main, where the City staff refused to install a 4-way stop, not that it would prevent poor decisions behind the wheel.
• May 1: Police towed off a vehicle at Panay and Main because the registration expired in January 2018, making the world safe once again for Democracy.
• May 1: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3 a.m. on Hwy 1 at South Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated the woman driver, 52, could only be cited for a bench warrant.
• May 1: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at midnight in the 1300 block of Main that wasn’t so lucky. Logs indicated the 30-year-old fellow driving was arrested for suspicion of driving juiced.
• April 30: Police contacted a suspicious man and woman, ages 44 and 35 respectively, at 8:40 p.m. in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. He had 12 bench warrants but was just cited and released with lucky No. 13. She had just one warrant and was given her future second.
• April 29: At 11:35 p.m. police spotted a reckless driver in the 900 block of Balboa. Logs indicated they stopped the vehicle and the driver, 49, was nicked for allegedly driving forshnicked.
• April 29: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 7:51 p.m. in Lila Keiser Park. The apparent swagman, 39, had three bench warrants. He was issued a fourth and released back into the wild.
• April 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:47 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The 61-year-old borracho was arrested for suspicion of driving kootered and was booked into the carcel.
• April 29: Police contacted yet another wanderer in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. The 36-year-old fellow had a bench warrant and was cited and released with a new court date, which he will no doubt ignore.
• April 29: Police contacted a suspicious man at 12:44 a.m. in the 1500 block of Main. Logs indicated he had four bench warrants, and was given a fifth one for his trouble.
• April 28: Police recovered a plastic baggie with a “white crystal-like substance” that someone apparently lost in the 200 block of Harbor. Tests showed the substance was methamphetamine and they booked it for destruction, unless the dingus that lost it tries to reclaim it, then it’ll be evidence.
• April 28: Police responded at 11:10 a.m. to a disturbance in Lila Keiser Park where a 32-year-old man was pipped at the post for suspicion of being UTI, possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia.
• April 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 12:45 a.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. Logs indicated police noticed suspicious items in the car that turned out be stolen from a storage unit in town. The woman driver, 52 was arrested for suspicion of burglary.
• April 27: At 8:40 p.m. police contacted a suspicious woman, 47, at Lila Keiser Park for allegedly violating a City municipal code, a hanging offense in these parts. Logs indicated she had an out-of-county warrant and was taken into custody. Police reportedly found suspected drugs on her along with a crack pipe.
• April 27: Police responded at 4:22 p.m. to a disturbance on Napa Avenue. A 27-year-old fellow was apparently havin’ a bit of a breakdown and was taken to the hospital for a mental health evaluation.
• April 27: Police responded to the 200 block of Surf where a citizen reported that a stolen check was forged and cashed by “an unauthorized individual” a.k.a. a dang thief!
• April 27: Police contacted another regular customer at 10:18 a.m. in the 1200 block of Main. Logs indicated the 28-year-old snot waffle was allegedly in possession of illegal drugs and drug paraphernalia, and of course he had two bench warrants. Still, he was cited and released back into decent society.
• April 26: Police caught another of the caravan of fools at 8:45 p.m. at Lila Keiser Park. The man, 34, had a warrant and was cited and released once again, part of the California catch-and-release, full-employment program.
• April 26: Police contacted another model citizen at 3:24 p.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The fellow, 52, had a bench warrant and was cited again and released.