• April 10: Police contacted a suspicious dude at 7 p.m. in the 900 block of Piney Way. The 37-year-old mope was nabbed for suspicion of being high on dope and for paraphernalia in his pantaloons. He checked into the County B&B.
• April 10: Yet another model citizen, 52, encountered Johnny Law at 2 a.m. at Morro Bay Blvd. and Napa. The hoot owl was cited for allegedly being smashed on drugs and having paraphernalia and released to no doubt go call his dealer and re-up his stash.
• April 9: At 7:18 p.m. in the 300 block of Main officers encountered an apparently curious fellow pushing a shopping cart down the street. The fiendish criminal mastermind, 37, was cited for alleged theft of a shopping cart and littering.
• April 9: A care facility on Teresa Drive notified police at 6:23 p.m. of a patient that had died. Police responded to document the loss.
• April 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:49 p.m. in the 1600 block of Main. The 42-year-old driver was nicked for suspicion of driving on a toot. He was taken to French Hospital to give a blood sample and then booked into the drunk tank.
• April 8: Someone found something somewhere in the 600 block of Quintana. And that’s the sum of this big to-do.
• April 7: Police were called about a trespasser at 9:49 p.m. at Albertson’s Market. A 29-year-old squit was reportedly arrested for suspicion of trespassing.
• April 6: A 51-year-old skipper was contacted at 11 p.m. at Main and Beach. He’s trapped on the bench-warrant carousel and was given a new ticket to ride.
• April 6: Police responded to a reported assault at 9:45 p.m. in the 1200 block of Morro. Logs indicated a man and woman were having a row and both gave conflicting stories as to what happened.
• April 6: Police contacted another regular boy scout at 9:22 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. The apparent bail jumper, 37, had a warrant, was given another disappearance ticket and released.
• April 6: Police responded at 6:30 p.m. to a reported assault in the 800 block of Pacific. Logs indicated a 36-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of elder abuse.
• April 6: Police contacted a suspicious fellow, 29, at 2:37 p.m. in the 900 block of Piney Way. He had just one warrant but yet the arch-criminal was apparently dragged to the gaol.
• April 6: Police responded to a disturbance at 10:30 a.m. somewhere on Park Street. A 25-year-old rabble-rouser was nicked for being a carouser in public.
• April 5: At 8 p.m. police stopped a suspicious vehicle in the first block of State Park Road. The driver, 68, was arrested for suspicion of recklessly driving honked.
• April 4: Police contacted yet another gambler at 11:09 p.m. at Monterey and the Boulevard. The joker, 55, had one warrant, so police raised him one citation, and in a month or so he’ll call with another FTA, and the cards will continue to be dealt.
• April 4: Police contacted another suspicious fellow at 9:43 p.m. at Allesandro and Kings. The 51-year-old hombre had a warrant and was cited and released onto the mean streets again.
• April 4: Police contacted a raucous fellow at 5 p.m. in the 200 block of Surf. Logs indicated the apparent fruit loop dingus, 49, was busted for suspicion of being drunk and disorderly in public, with a bench warrant, too.
• April 4: Someone reported losing his or her, their, them, they or whatever, wallet that contained ID cards.
• April 4: Some scoundrel vandalized an innocent car parked in the 200 block of Harbor.
• April 3: Police contacted two suspicious men, 29 and 45 at 8:06 p.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The lads were apparently a tad off kilter allegedly due to illegal substance abuse and one was in possession of paraphernalia, which landed them both in the hoosegow.
• April 3: A 21-year-old woman told police that she’d been battered earlier today. Police were asked to document the foul deed for when it happens again.
• April 3: Someone turned in a purse they’d found in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., after it fell off the roof of a car, misplaced and forgotten by a forgetful driver.
• April 2: Police responded to a disturbance at 5:43 p.m. at Coleman Park. A 55-year-old fellow was taken for a 72-hour timeout with the County.
• April 2: At 3 a.m. police tried to pull over a suspicious vehicle, which reportedly failed to yield until he reached the intersection of Chaney and Ocean in Cayucos, according to logs. A 39-year-old man was nicked for suspicion of driving skulled and hauled peaceably to the dungeon.
• April 1: Police contacted a regular customer at 11:41 p.m. in the 900 block of Piney Way. The scofflaw, 52, had two bench warrants, and no doubt thought he’d go to jail, but was handed a future third and told “April Fools’!”
• April 1: Police towed away a bothersome car parked in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. for parking in the wrong place, and for no doubt too long.
• March 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11 p.m. at Beach and Market. The driver, 25, was cited for a suspended license, a hanging offense in these parts.
• March 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:30 p.m. at Main and Morro Bay Blvd. The driver, 57, was nicked for suspicion of driving thick, but avoided the Hwy 1 walk of shame by virtue of a sober friend.
• March 30: Someone donated an old Morro Bay “Sheriff” badge apparently to add to the department’s collection of shiny badges.
• March 30: Police responded at 2 p.m. to the 2800 block of Main for a theft report. Logs indicated someone flew off with a metal flamingo yard art masterpiece, proving once again that people will steal anything.
• March 29: Police noted that a female person that was reported missing from the 600 block of Shasta, had been found, and the case is sol-ved.
• March 30: Police snatched some wanted fellow at 12:05 a.m. at Harbor and Piney Way. The apparent anarchist, 31, had outstanding warrants.
• March 30: Police responded at midnight to a car crash in the 1000 block of Main. No word on the extent of the carnage.
• March 27: Police were called at 6 p.m. to a minor car crash at Main and Oahu. No apparent injuries but the cars will no doubt never be the same.
• March 28: Police took a crime report of an alleged theft by a known 33-year-old suspect in the 100 block of Gilbert.
• March 28: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 2:35 a.m. in the 1000 block of Embarcadero. The apparent hoot owl, 29, was nicked for suspicion of being stoned on drugs.